#langst 2023

[s2strawbery-cakess2]

🐾DNI: non child safe; anti agere/petre and therian/otherkin; pro/comship; basic DNI criteria; nsfw.

🐾Hello goofballs! Hope you’re all doing fine <3 I know this isn’t my usual content but I reaally love lance :’)

Song of the day : Uncanny - GHOST//Ghost and pals

🐾DNI: non child safe; anti agere/petre and therian/otherkin; pro/comship; basic DNI criteria; nsfw.

[coolcoolcoolbutwtf]

This Alt lance fan art I drew last October( I think, forgot to put a date down) wow Voltron fanart in this day and age? Who would even- I did. Click for quality ovo

Evil/ morally gray/ galra lance and langst ware my beloveds back in the day. Currently it's Alastor and scourge now.

[shsy7573]

Something

A Voltron Fanfiction by shsy7573 a langst addict

Description: As torturous as a war with the Galra is, it’s nothing compared to the constant mockery from inside Lance’s mind. When the team partakes in a training exercise designed to help them confront their insecurities, and grow closer as a team, Lance knows he’s screwed. No way they’ll want him around once they see how pathetic he really is. Will our favourite Blue Paladin be able to hide his misery, from the team, or will he break, and reveal to the team just how much he hates himself?

Info: Langst. Hurt/comfort. Original Paladins. Tbh this is probably one of my weaker fics. It’s not really descriptive. Mainly just focused on the feelings. Nonetheless, I’ve always enjoyed rereading it because of the concept.

Relationships: Klance, but it’s mild. Barely there.

Note: Tumblr kinda jacked up the formatting. I seriously need to get myself an AO3 account, but writing for that site intimidates me for whatever reason.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Lance scanned the battlefield, his heart pumping rapidly as the supposedly easygoing mission went off the rails. They had planned to take over a small, low activity Galra base to try and find more information on what Zarkon and his people were planning. Unfortunately, this “low activity” base ended up being extremely more well defended than they’d thought.

There were Galra ships everywhere, spread out across the sky like a giant beehive. The Paladins were swamped, and the Castle of Lions had been forced to draw back for risk of colossal damage. With all the chaos, there was no opportunity to converge and form Voltron. Each Paladin was, for the most part, on their own.

And Lance was drowning.

He veered swiftly to the left as a Galra ship charged him from behind. Kieth flew by at the exact same time, and if it had been anyone other than The Red Paladin, there would have been a collision. Kieth banked up, and Lance just had time to shoot a laser at the ship tailing him before he and his lion ran face first into the debris.

“Watch it, Lance!” Kieth spat, and Lance cringed.

“Sorry!” He yelled.

There wasn’t enough time to dwell on it though, because the ship that had been on Lance had recovered from the Blue Paladin’s change in course, and was shooting at him again.

Lance groaned, trying to dodge around the lasers, taking one or two hits to the back. He yelled, his heart jumping as another squadron of battleships came at him from the front. Reacting fast, he sent Blue into a barrel roll, hoping the Galra ships would collide.

Fortunately, they did. Unfortunately, so did he and Pidge. The Green Lion, who apparently had been chasing the Galra ships, met the Blue Lion head on, both going at full speed and sending the Paladins into a tailspin.

“Lance, what the hell?!” Pidge yelled as they both regained control.

Lance chastised himself inwardly.

“Sorry Pidge!”

His mind was screaming at him. Way to go, fuck up!

“Lance! Look out!”

He looked up to see a Galra ship as it powered up a blaster. With how close it was, he should have already seen it.

Shiro flew by in the Black Lion, slicing through the ship with his jaw blade and putting it out of commission.

“Lance! You need to pay attention!”

“Sorry!” He said for probably the 10th time since the start of the battle.

What is wrong with you? Get your head in the game! You can’t even-

His thoughts were interrupted as he was once again forced to bank out of the way of a Galra ship. Sadly, he was too slow to react, and as he swerved upwards a beam of purple light collided with Blue’s underbelly. Lance screamed as he was jostled around in his seat, trying to regain control as another beam hit him on his left.

So now you can’t even fly? What are you doing?! I thought Paladins were supposed to be expert pilots!

“Lance!” Someone yelled as he tried and failed to gain control of Blue. More and more Galra ships getting hits in on his Lion.

Useless piece of shit! They all know it!

“Lance, control yourself!”

“Someone needs to help him!”

“There’s too many of them!”

“Fall back!”

Before he knew it, Hunk and his lion had grabbed hold of Blue and were pulling Lance out of the battlefield. The others joined up with them, and Lance felt tears welling up in his eyes.

As the Galra fleet fell away from view, Lance was able to retake control of his lion. Hunk let go, and they made their way back to the castle. Mission failed.

“Lance, what was going on out there?” Kieth asked, ever the hothead. Lance didn’t reply, only lifting his gloved hand to whisk away his tears. His mind was screaming at him.

You can’t fly for shit, that’s what! You think they’re gonna want you around after that debacle? I’m surprised it took you this long royally fuck. They’re gonna see it now! You’re not fit to be a Paladin!

—

They arrived back at the Castle of Lions, and for a couple minutes all Lance could do was pull off his helmet and just… sit there. Unable to bear the looks of utter disappointment on his teammates' faces. Unable to face the resentment.

Then he heard Shiro’s voice over the coms.

“Post-mission briefing on the bridge.”

Lance sighed, and finally forced himself out of Blue’s seat. He dragged himself to the control room, trying to stay as far back and out of sight as possible.

Shiro began speaking, but Lance could hardly hear him over the scrutiny going on in his own brain.

You don’t belong here! You know it. They know it. They’d be better off without you.

“Guys, this can’t happen again. We cannot lose our heads in a time of crisis. If we’re going to win against the Galra, we need to work harder. Not just individually, but as a team. We were completely divided out there, and we kept getting in each other’s way.”

Lance looked down, mainly me. He was certain that’s what everyone was thinking. He bit his lip, trying his damndest not to cry.

“We’ve been focusing on training our bodies, but I think we’ve been neglecting to focus on the most important part of Voltron: our minds. Our connection to ourselves, our lions and to each other is what powers Voltron, farther than any of our individual skills.”

Like anyone would want to connect with you. You’re the problem, you always have been. They’ll turn on you one day, and you’ll deserve it. Maybe you should just speed up the process. Get out of their lives before they come to hate you on their own. But you won’t, you’re too weak. Too cowardly to face the reality of that decision. Too selfish to give up your friendships for the universe.

“Lance!” A voice cut through the noise. Lance looked up to see Shiro staring at him.

“Are you even listening?”

They hate you.

“I, uh- yeah.” He could feel his skin crawling at all the eyes on him.

“Then what did I say?”

“Voltron is powered by our minds, or something.” It was the last thing he remembered.

The irritated muttering around the room caused him to assume he’d guessed wrong.

“Lance, I need you to be paying attention when I’m talking.”

Lance sighed, looking back down at his feet, “sorry.”

Had he been looking up, he’d have seen the slight edge of concern in The Black Paladin’s gaze before he continued. “Anyways… what I was saying is that tomorrow afternoon we’ll meet on the training deck to go through some mental team building exercises. I’m sure Coran has a few ideas.”

Lance nodded, but kept his gaze trained on the ground.

You’ll probably fuck it up, like you do everything.

“That I do. Don’t you worry Shiro, I’ll get it sorted.”

Lance looked up just enough to see Shiro nod. “In that case, you’re all dismissed.”

Lance turned, and headed out of the control room. His mind swimming with self ridicule. He could feel the tears threatening to fill his eyes. The days’ failures replaying over and over again in his mind.

Idiot. Useless. Screw up everything.

Suddenly, he felt a hand grab him by the arm, pulling him back slightly and forcing him to stop.

“Lance, wait.”

The Blue Paladin looked up to see Shiro gazing at him curiously.

“Is… everything alright?”

No. Lance forced a grin, “of course! Why wouldn't it be?”

“I just… you seem… distracted.”

Lance shook his head, forcing his smile to become even brighter. “I’m fine. I promise. See you in training tomorrow!”

He pulled his arm free, and began to walk (a little too quickly) to his room.

As soon as the door closed, he collapsed on the ground. Tears spilled out of his eyes. What was he doing here? He was no Paladin? He had no place here. Nobody here wanted him around, he was just their only option. If they had anyone else to fly Blue, they’d take them in an instant. Anyone would be better than you!

“Fucking useless,” he whimpered to himself, burying his head in his knees.

“All I do is mess things up.”

“I’m an idiot.”

“No one wants me around.”

“I’m…”

He trailed off, his throat closing up as he voiced his darkest thoughts to the empty room. Sobs racked his body. He sat there, back pressed against the door, letting tears spill down his face. Crying at the truth of it all. That he was the problem, he was the weak link. All he brought to the team was bad jokes and annoyance.

He had no special skills.

No special purpose.

He was nothing special.

He was just nothing.

—

The next day, Lance woke up as he usually did. Early. With a skip in his step, a smile on his face, and a silent prayer that today wouldn’t be the day that the mask slipped. That today wouldn’t be the day they saw how useless he really was.

He went to breakfast with the team. Pidge was still a little irritated at him for running into her. Kieth was broody, as usual. Hunk and Coran were happy. Shiro and Allura were focused.

Lance, as usual, was cracking jokes to try and lighten the mood. To try and drown out the voice in his head. To try and fein cheerfulness.

And the others, as usual, we’re not having any of it.

“Lance, can you shut up for five minutes so that we can eat in peace?!” Pidge snapped. “I swear it’s like you’re trying to piss me off.”

Lance smiled brighter on the outside, but on the inside, his mind screamed.

“Aw, did the Pigeon wake up on the wrong side of the bed?” He teased, and she grumbled, turning away.

He saw Keith roll his eyes, and heard him muttering under his breath.

You can’t let up can you? If you’re not royally screwing up a mission, you’re annoying the shit out of everyone.

But he would rather annoy them into not paying attention than allow them to see how worthless he was.

Selfish? Probably. But, he couldn’t help it.

Besides, if Pidge was angry he’d rather she take it out on him than the rest of the team. Unlike the rest of them, he deserved it.

—

And then the afternoon rolled around. Lance headed for the training deck, something akin to apprehension churning in his gut.

Come on Lance, afraid of a training session? A Paladin should be better than that.

He steeled himself, and entered the training deck.

Everyone else was already there. Lance couldn’t help chastising himself for that. Even though he wasn’t late, he was last. He’d kept them waiting.

“Has Coran said what we’re doing yet?” He asked, banishing the thoughts aside. If today was meant to train his mind, to connect them, he had to keep his negativity as far away as possible.

They all shook their heads as he reached the group.

“No, I haven’t even seen him since this morning,” Pidge said. Lance was glad to see that she seemed less aggressive now. Maybe a bit of time to wake up had calmed her temper at his previous fuck-upery.

Not that she’d be wrong to still be pissed.

Lance smiled wider.

Just then, Coran entered the room, holding a mass of technology in his arms.

“I’m here! I’m here! Sorry, I’d hoped to have this all set up before you arrived but—“

“It’s okay, Coran. We’re not in a rush.” Shiro assured.

Hunk smiled and walked over, “need some help?”

Pidge joined her friend as Coran nodded and they began setting up, the Altean telling Pidge and Hunk how to hook everything up.

Why didn’t you offer to help? Useless.

But then his own mind fired back.

You’re too stupid to help with something like this. It’s too complicated.

Lance resisted the urge to wince, refusing to let his expressions betray his inner rebuke. So far he wasn’t doing a very great job at keeping negativity out of training.

Then again, you never could do anything right.

He was grateful as Hunk, Pidge and Coran finished setting up. It meant he’d have something else to focus on.

His dreams of distraction were crushed as Coran began to explain the exercise.

“Today's exercise will be all about overcoming your mental barriers. In combat, you need to be completely open with each other, and having blockades and hidden insecurities can distract you from working as a cohesive whole. Today, the team will be given the chance to travel into each Paladin’s mindscape. Not actually, of course, mind travel is very dangerous and can more often than not lead to disastrous consequences. That’s where all this technology comes in. This will simulate a sort of virtual landscape for you all to traverse through. It should still be accurate, but it will prevent any serious harm coming to any of you.”

Lance’s stomach somersaulted. Travelling… into his mind… to face his insecurities?!

No way they’ll want you around after this.

Lance took a deep breath. Maybe he could worm his way out of it. Maybe he could delay, and they would run out of time and not get to him. Maybe he could fake illness closer to his turn. The healing pods didn’t cure sickness so he’d just be sent back to his room to rest.

They were feeble wishes, but a boy can dream.

—

Unfortunately for Lance, they did have time for him. All day, dread had been clawing at his chest, and he’d taken every possible opportunity to have someone else go first.

But… he couldn’t put it off any longer. He had really considered faking a migraine or some shit, but if any of them found out they’d think he was being lazy. Or worse, they’d question why he wanted out so close to his turn anyways.

They’d been through Shiro’s mindscape. Forcing him to confront his fears and regrets about his time with the Galra, and helping him accept that it was all just survival. The Galran prisoner he used to be was running purely off instinct, and the Shiro they knew would never be so callous. They also helped him wrestle with the guilt and pain of leaving Adam behind.

They’d been through Pidge’s mindscape. Helping to quell her fears about not being able to find her parents. They’d sworn they would help her, and do whatever it took to get Matt and her father back.

They’d been through Hunk’s mindscape. Helping him through all the anxieties and fears that had taken hold of him over his years at the Garrison, and now in space. They’d consoled him by telling him that he was brave. That it was okay to be scared. And that he would never be alone.

They’d gone through Keith’s mindscape. Begrudgingly, he’d admitted to his feelings of lostness. How he wanted to feel a sense of self, and get to know who he was and where he came from. They’d told him they would help in whatever way they could, but that at the end of the day ‘who he was’ depended solely on him. Not who his parents were. They’d even gone as far as to say Voltron could be his family if he let it.

And now… now Lance had to go.

And he was terrified.

Coward! Afraid of what they might find? Afraid they’ll see how worthless their Blue Paladin really is?!

He felt a hand on his shoulder and he stared at the mindscape device in his hands. He looked up at Shiro, who smiled down at him.

“We’re right here with you.” He assured.

Lance smiled.

But for how long?

He pushed the voice away, pushed everything away. All his thoughts, feelings and emotions.

Then, he put on the device, and closed his eyes. The world around him melted away, and when he reopened his eyes, he found himself standing on a beach. The ground beneath him which he knew technically shouldn’t, felt soft. Having been through several mindscapes by now, he was used to the strange faux sensations they caused. Making it seem like you were actually there.

He looked around as the other Paladins faded in, and took in their surroundings.

Finally, it was Pidge who asked, “where are we?”

Lance smiled as he spotted a house on the hill, not far from the beachfront.

“My home.”

—

They made their way up the hill, Lance making absolutely certain that everything they saw was what he wanted them to see. Keeping the nasty voice that haunted his conscious locked behind the walls of this fabricated world.

Okay, fabricated wasn’t exactly the best word. This was all still very real. It was just something he was more comfortable showing the team. Something understandable. Something sweet. Something wholesome.

Something better to the alternative. Something easier.

They reached the house, and Lance grinned as he saw his little niblings playing in the front yard. Rolling around the grass, wrestling over a yellow toy truck.

They didn’t see him though, nor did they see the other Paladins. At the end of the day, they were just spectators to a virtual reality. They weren’t actually in Lance’s mind, and thus, couldn’t interact.

“Aww, they’re so cute! Who are they?” Pidge said, cooing as they drew nearer.

“Those are my niece and nephew.” He said, smiling fondly. He’d missed them so much. He’d missed them all so much.

Almost as if his mind was reflecting this, the house seemed to pull away, just slightly. Not quite letting the Paladins reach it.

Lance frowned.

“Woah… what was that?” Hunk asked, looking at Lance.

“I’m… not sure,” he admitted.

He could feel the fringes of his paradise shudder as an insult tried to break through. He didn’t let it. He couldn’t. Not with the Paladins watching.

But he could see their unease as the trembling surrounding the area scape passed.

Fortunately, his mother emerged from the house before they had time to question it.

She began spewing how she missed him, and he felt tears prick his eyes.

Each time they got close to the house it shifted away again. Pretty soon they caught on.

Homesickness. Homesickness was the barrier he was choosing to show the Paladins. The guilt for leaving his family behind. It was one he found much easier to bear. One he felt they would understand and accept.

And they did.

They comforted him, and told him it was okay to miss home.

And he thought, just for a moment he thought he’d done it.

He’d really done something right. He hadn’t fucked it up.

“Is this why you were so distracted yesterday? In the battle? You were missing your family?” Shiro asked.

Lance nodded.

And then the voice came rushing in, faster than he could stop it.

A venomous, icy echo twisted around them, filling up the atmosphere.

Liar!

He forced it back, but it was too late. The Paladins were looking around, frightened and confused.

“What was that?” Pidge exclaimed.

Shit.

“I- I don’t know…” he said, his voice dejected. But he found lying much harder in the midst of his panic.

“Lance. What aren’t you telling us?” Keith demanded.

Then it happened. A sharp sound drew Lance’s eyes to the ground, where a crack was beginning to spread beneath his feet.

“What the hell’s happening?!”

“Lance! What’s going on?!”

He couldn’t think. He couldn’t speak. He was frozen. Fear was creeping through his veins, sending a wind rushing through the mindscape.

A Paladin. Afraid of his own brain.

Pathetic!

More cracks. He closed his eyes, and tried to shove the voice away.

There was still time, still an opportunity to hide this, to get past this. He could do this.

“Lance!”

He looked up. Everyone looked scared. He was making them scared. And this was just the surface. No way he could let them see the full force of it!

Nobody would want you around then.

The voice crackled in the wind around them, sharp as a knife, but also sweet as honey. A perfect tone of intoxicating mockery. One that had haunted him for years.

Shards were beginning to fall away, revealing a world of empty blackness, and Lance was panicking.

How disappointing. Paladins aren’t supposed to panic.

“Lance, Lance it’s okay! Just breath buddy. Tell us what’s happening. We can help you!” Shiro assured.

They’ll hate you.

“We won’t!” Hunk tried to reassure, reaching out a hand.

And then the world fell away. The cracks gave way and Lance was falling. Falling. Falling. Falling. Away from the hill. Away from Cuba. Away from his little paradise.

And down

Down

Down

Into the bitter darkness.

Into the truth.

Into the nothing.

—

Lance inhaled sharply, his breath echoing all around him. All he could see was darkness. Darkness above, darkness below and darkness all around. Yet somehow, he was standing on solid ground. He tapped his feet curiously, a faint ringing echoing at the back of his mind. Like when you listen to the silence for too long.

Then he turned around, and found the other Paladins facing him.

His heart lurched. They were here… with him. Dios what has he done?!

“Lance… what- what is this?” Hunk asked, looking at his friend in deep confusion. Concern etched his expression.

“I- I don’t know…”

You never know! Came the voice. Harsher and clearer than it had on the beach house. Pounding in his head and vibrating in his skull.

He turned to see the faint outline of a person against the darkness. Inches from his face. It shoved him with a hiss, that’s the problem!

“Lance!” Keith started forward, sword in hand, but a voice interrupted him.

Are you gonna let him fight your battles?!

Another grey figure appeared in front of Keith, blocking Lance’s view of the Red Paladin.

I thought Paladins were supposed to be strong?!

Another figure appeared to the right of Lance.

But you were never much of a Paladin to begin with, were you?

Lance backed away. He closed his eyes and shook his head, begging it to stop.

Why? Why should we stop? Can’t handle the truth?

“Lance! Lance, it's okay! Look at me!” That was Shiro’s voice. It sounded so far away. Lance looked up to see the other Paladins, slowly disappearing behind a mob of grey.

They pity you.

You think any of them actually want you around.

Something latched onto his arm, digging its claws into his flesh.

After all you’ve done? After everything you’ve messed up?

Images of the earlier fight flickered all around them. Then it was all the fights before. All the times he’d done something wrong.

You’re a screw up, Lance! You don’t deserve to be a Paladin.

Lance was being dragged down. Dragged down by thousands of latching hands. Swarming and smothering him. Suffocating him in his own greatest faults. His biggest insecurities.

And he was faintly aware of the other Paladins screaming for him.

They were seeing all of this.

He hadn’t wanted them to.

Did you really think you could keep this from them? That they wouldn’t find out how weak you are?

How useless you are?

You’re stupider than I thought.

And that’s saying something.

Tears pricked his eyes as more claws dug into his flesh, ripping and tearing as he tried to fight them off.

Nobody wants you around!

I’d say go back home, but I doubt they’d want you either!

More hostile, hungry claws stretched from the crowd, latching onto his skin and screaming in his ears. Lance cried as the claws dug into his skin, but his voice was drowned out by the icy, honeysuckle tone of the never ending voice.

Pathetic

Weak

Selfish asshole

Can’t even deny it.

Lance curled in on himself, tears flowing down his cheeks and sobs racking his body. Surely they would all hate him now, after seeing all this. After seeing what a mess he really was.

Can’t even fight back?

You were never meant to be a Paladin!

You don’t belong here!

You’re just a cargo pilot!

Nothing to offer!

You’re not special!

Pain raked his body as he felt himself being torn apart. In the back of his mind he wondered how they were touching him. Coran said they wouldn’t be able to. But of course, Lance always did seem to do the impossible when it came to screwing up.

They would be better off without you and you know it!

There’s so many better options to pilot the Blue Lion.

Shame they had to settle for you.

He tried not to listen. Tried so hard.

You’re hopeless!

But they were right, weren’t they?

Stupid!

Deadweight!

And in that moment, Lance found himself lost. Succumbing to the sea of his own insecurities. They’d come on this mission to connect as a unit

But…

He had never felt more alone in his entire life.

It was just him, and the voice echoing over and over in his mind.

You’re nothing

—

Lance jolted upright, phantom claws still tearing at his skin as he looked around frantically.

He was back on the training deck. Sitting on the floor. He was fairly certain he hadn’t been on the floor when they’d gone in.

He was breathing heavily, his body shaking as tears ran freely down his cheeks. The only positive right now was that whatever wounds the figures seemed to have inflicted were gone… if they had ever really existed in the first place.

“Lance…” came an empty, uncertain voice. The Blue Paladin looked up to see the other Paladins standing a foot or so away, watching him completely break down after…

After…

Dios! They were gonna hate him. More than they did already!

“I’m sorry,” he whimpered.

If it was possible, he began quivering harder.

At that moment, nobody seemed to know what to do. They were all frozen in some sort of silent shock, mortified by what they’d just witnessed.

And then… to everyone’s surprise… Keith began walking towards Lance.

The Blue Paladin began scrambling away, trying to pull himself to his feet and failing as he stumbled backwards. He raised a feeble hand to try and hide his crying eyes.

Kieth grabbed his arm, catching him as he fell. He tried to pull away, letting out a frantic whimpering sound. But Keith held his grip and pulled Lance towards him.

And then they were hugging. Lance felt slender, firm arms wrapped around his back. He fought against them for a few seconds, but the Red Paladin didn’t let up.

So, Lance folded. Keith dropped to his knees as the boy buried his head in the Red Paladin’s shoulder, clutching the back of his shirt with trembling hands. Sobs raked his body, and Keith only seemed to hold him tighter.

“I’m sorry. I’m sorry. I’m sorry. I’m sorry. I’m sorry.” Lance murmured through his sobbing. He hadn’t meant for this to happen. This wasn’t how it was supposed to go. What would they think of him now?

Another pair of arms joined them, and Lance heard Hunk whisper in his ear, “It’s okay, buddy.”

Then something small weaselled its way between the hands already around Lance, and he heard Pidge murmur, “we’re right here.”

A hand fell on his shoulder, and Shiro spoke in a calm, affirming voice: “we’re not going anywhere buddy.”

And Lance cried harder. He was sure he was squeezing Keith too hard. He was sure he was making a fool of himself. He was sure they all just pitied him.

“I’m sorry.” He sobbed again wetly. Voice thick with misery. The embrace became more secure, and Lance was acutely aware of Shiro joining it fully.

Then, someone moved their hand into Lance’s hair. Working it between their fingers, and combing it gently. “Don’t—“ Keith rasped. If Lance wasn’t sure they all hated him now, if he wasn’t sure this was just pity, he’d say he heard a quiver in his voice, “don’t apologise.”

And they sat there, Lance sobbing into Keith’s shoulder as the team embraced him from every angle, smothering them in their warmth. This smothering, it wasn’t like what the figures had done. It wasn’t suffocating. In fact, with each passing second it seemed to breathe more life into Lance.

And even though he knew it wouldn’t last, even though he knew his time with the team was at its end…

He didn’t feel so alone anymore.

—

Keith was shell shocked. He couldn’t comprehend it. Lance was supposed to be the happy one. The one who cracked jokes, and… and kept everyone optimistic, and annoyed everyone with his dumb, extremely endearing pick-up lines.

He wasn’t supposed be sad. He wasn’t supposed to be the one falling apart. He wasn’t supposed to believe so little of himself that his own mind turned on him the second it got the chance.

Yet here they were. Lance in Keith’s arms as he carried the Blue Paladin to his room after he’d cried so hard he’d passed out from exhaustion.

It wasn’t right, seeing Lance so broken.

How long has he felt like this? How long had he been hiding it? How long had he been pretending?

Keith wasn’t sure he really wanted to know. Because if his instincts were correct (and they usually were): he never hadn’t been.

The Red Paladin approached Lance’s bed. He propped the boy’s body against him as he pulled back the covers. Then, cradling him gently in his arms (strange that this had happened twice now), he lifted Lance up and set him down on the mattress.

Keith couldn’t believe it. Salty tracks stained the Paladin’s face, and Keith had to fight to keep his own tears down.

Because seeing Lance like this… it hurt.

It was wrong.

It felt more wrong to him than anything had ever felt in his life.

And Keith knew why.

Because ontop of how unbelievable it was that this was how Lance really felt… Keith loved him. He loved Lance so much.

And seeing him like that, completely helpless. Completely broken…

It hurt worse than anything Keith had ever felt before.

And he swore to himself, right there and then, that he would make sure Lance never felt that way again. He wouldn’t give the Paladin room to doubt. He would make him see just how beautiful he was.

—

Lance awoke to a hand in his own - grip weak - and something pressed against his side. He looked around disoriented for a moment. He was aware of a couple things: the person beside him (obviously), the exhaustion and aching in his limbs, the dim lighting, and the stiff skin on his cheeks that came with dried tears.

So he had been crying? Why?

He moved a bit, sitting up to try and see who was with him.

Had they seen him cry? Dios he hoped not.

As he moved, he felt the hand atop his twitch, before the grip grew tighter. Lance gasped as the figure sat up, and blue eyes met black. The hint of violet in them was a dead give away as to who it was, as was the black mop of hair.

Lance would reckognise that mullet anywhere.

“Keith?” He asked.

“Lance!” And the boy in question had never seen Keith look so happy, so relieved. He wasn’t sure why, not like he was in a healing pod or anything.

“What’s goin’ on?” Lance asked, rubbing sleep out of his eyes.

And then he remembered. The mindscape, and the figures, and the sobbing and the hugs… and he dropped his gaze.

“…oh.”

He knew his voice sounded small. Weak.

Pathetic.

He couldn’t hold back the wince.

Then a hand squeezed his. “Lance…” Keith tried to turn his gaze towards him, but Lance couldn’t look up. He feared he’d see scrutiny and disgust. He was certain now why Keith had waited by his bedside. He wanted to tell Lance he was off the team. Tell him he couldn’t be the Blue Paladin anymore. Tell him they didn’t want someone on the team who held them back.

And tears flooded his eyes.

“Lance, hey, it’s okay.” Keith brushed a soft hand against the boy’s cheek, brushing away stray tears.

Lance lifted his hands, pushing Keith’s out of the way as he frantically tries to wipe his own eyes. He felt guilty and embarrassed and stupid.

“I’m sorry,” he whimpered, though whether he was apologising for the tears or his very existence he wasn’t sure. He supposed it could be both.

Hands grabbed his face, grip gentle but firm. “Hey, none of that.”

And the tears came even more. Even now he was disappointing Keith with his stupid crying.

“I'm sorry. I'm sorry, I’m sorry. I- I tried—“

“No, Lance! Don’t apologise.” Keith reiterated.

Of course, Keith didn’t want to see him grovelling. Didn’t want to see his pathetic attempts at asking for forgiveness. He was done with him, and nothing Lance said would change that.

But… dammit a part of him begged to be allowed to stay. Allowed another chance.

He cried harder.

“I know— I know you want me off the team. I know I’m a disappointment. I know I’m just holding you back. But please. Please, I can do better. I’ll work harder. I’ll train every day. Please! Please, Keith, don’t send me away. I- I can’t— I don’t—“ his pleas died out in exchange for desperate sobs.

Look at you. You think this will make him take you back? You’re disgusting! He’s disgusted by you! He’s right to send you away.

You don’t deserve his forgiveness.

You don’t deserve Voltron.

Keith’s voice broke through the terror.

“Woah, hey, hey, hey!” Lance could hear the awkwardness in his voice. Keith never really was good with people. Good with emotions. And here Lance was making it harder by crying all over him.

Deadweight. Dumbass. Worthless.

“No one’s goin’ anywhere. Okay?”

Lance stilled. He sobbing stopped, and he felt like the ground had just been pulled out from under him.

He dared look up, dared meet Keith’s gaze, and was met with nothing but soft, gentle eyes flooded with concern. Concern and heartache.

“What?” He asked weakly.

It didn’t make any sense.

Nothing makes sense to you.

“We're not kicking you out Lance.” Keith said, pain evident in his voice.

Lance was… so confused.

“But…” he couldn’t find the words.

Keith sighed. It wasn’t exasperated, or irritated. Just… heavy. “We need to talk, Lance. You, me, and the rest of the team.”

Oh. So they weren’t kicking him off the team. They were just gonna reprimand him.

I bet it’s because they pity you.

They don’t have the heart to send you to the whims of space. They don’t have the time to drop you back on earth. So once again, they’re just stuck with you.

The deadweight.

The burden.

“Why don’t you come with me.”

And then gentle arms were wrapping around the Blue Paladin’s waste, helping him to his feet. Lance’s legs wobbled, and a new bout of shame engulfed him as he clung tightly to Keith.

Fuck!

—

Keith led him down to the lounge area, keeping a stable, comforting grip around the shaking boy’s form the whole way down. The half-Galra could tell Lance was still exhausted, and for a moment he wondered if he should have told Lance to rest before dragging him all the way down here.

But, Lance was convinced that the team didn’t want him around, and the thought of letting those feelings simmer any longer made Keith’s heart ache.

No, they needed to talk to him. Before Lance regained the ability to try and cover it up… he was rather good at that. Despite all of this, Keith found himself admiring just how good an actor Lance was. He’d managed to get past Keith’s scary accurate instincts, the Red Paladin not having thought for a second that the boy he paid attention to the most on this ship was hurting so much. Not until it all came crashing down.

Which begged the question: What else had Lance been hiding?

Hopefully nothing. But that wasn’t important right now.

What was important is that Lance got help.

—

The others were already waiting for them when they arrived. Lance refused to meet their gaze as he was led by the Red Paladin over to the sitting area, where he was lowered onto a couch. Shame churned in his blood as he stared at his shaking hands. He was pathetic, couldn’t even manage to walk himself.

The tension in the room was thick, Altean space goo thick. The longer the silence grew, the worse Lance felt.

Just berate me already! Then we can all move on with our lives! He pleaded.

Not that you’d have anything meaningful to move on to, his mind filled in kindly.

Finally, Shiro decided it was time to put the Blue Paladin out of his misery. “Lance… we need to talk about yesterday. Your mindscape-“

Lance thought he would be able to bear it. To sit through another ridiculing lecture about his incompetence. But he couldn’t, he couldn’t bear to listen to the disappointment of his team members. Couldn’t bear to withstand the disapproval. So, against his better judgement, he interrupted desperately.

“I know! Okay, I know. You don’t have to say anything. I know I fucked up! I failed the exercise and made a complete fool of myself. I know behaved in a way no true Paladin of Voltron ever would! I know I compromised Voltron’s bond and probably put you all in danger, and I know- I- I know you all think I’m stupid, and weak and unworthy now! I know I’m not good enough, I know I’m only here because you don’t have time to find another Paladin for Blue, I know none of you actually want me around! I know! I know, I-“ Tears had begun streaming down his face again, his palms pressed into his eyes as he tried desperately to hide his obvious despair.

A firm grip on his shoulders caused him to look up with a start. In an instant he regretted it as tears spilled from bloodshot, tired eyes.

Weak!

But before he could wipe them away, or hide his face again, Shiro said something he was not expecting.

“No, Lance. No… no to all of that. You didn’t mess anything up, and none of us think you’re weak, or stupid, or unworthy. We do want you here. You belong on this team Lance, and it’s okay to not be… okay sometimes.”

Lance’s tears didn’t let up, despite the obvious genuinely in Shiro’s eyes. He should be grateful… happy. They weren’t mad. But… that… that couldn’t be right.

“N-no. No you’re- you’re lying. You don’t mean that, I know! I already know! I’ve always known! You- you’re just trying to make me feel better. You just- you- you’re trying to keep Voltron together so you don’t have t- to waste time f-f-finding someone else. But you w-w-want to. You want someone better. I know I’m not-“ his choppy, shaky voice cut off at a an angry voice coming from behind Shiro.

“Do you really think that?! After everything we’ve been through! You really think none of us actually care?!” It was Pidge, small, angry, heartbroken Pidge.

“How can you fucking say that shit when we’re supposed to be your friends! How can you fucking- think that shit about yourself— you don’t- how could you not trust us to tell-“ Pidge, smart, intellectual, tactful Pidge, was at a loss for words.

And then her anger broke. Taken over by guilt, regret, and most of all, fear.

“Did we really treat you that badly?”

Lance’s heart was thumping in his chest. No. No he made Pidge upset, now everyone was gonna be mad- he couldn’t- “No- n- no -o no no no, no, no! No! No! It was- you guys never! You guys were always so great! So good! I’m the one that’s the problem here! You never- I just- it’s just the truth. That’s just how it is- I didn’t-“ he paused for a beat, staring at everyone as they watched the interaction. Then, finally, he returned his gaze to his hands, “I’m sorry.”

“Okay, everyone just… take a breath,” Shiro said, stepping away from Lance, and sitting down on a chair across from the couch he was on.

There was silence as everyone situated themselves around the area. Keith sat next to Lance on his left, and Hunk sat on his right. Pidge sat next to Shiro on a stool, while Coran and Allura shared another couch situated next to Pidge and Shiro.

Then, finally, Shiro asked something.

“How long have you been feeling like this?”

Lance was confused. Again.

Idiot.

“Like what?”

“Like you’re not good enough… for Voltron.”

Lance was glad for the final specification. That made the question a little easier to answer. Even still, he found the words tangled in his throat as he feared the reaction the answer would recieve.

“I…” his body tensed as he felt all eyes on him. His heart started racing. He was trying to answer but he couldn’t. Of course he couldn’t. He could never do anything he was supposed to! They were asking him a question and he couldn’t even find it in himself to answer!

Stupid!

Weak!

Worthless!

Deadweight!

Fingers brushed against his thigh, and he looked down to see Keith’s hand slowly inching towards him, clearly trying to comfort him. To get his attention.

“Take your time,” the Red Paladin said. “We- we’ve got nowhere else to go.”

Lance looked away. Look at him, having to be placated like a child. Still, he hated to admit that the removal of pressure helped.

“I… I guess… I guess I… always?” He said uncertainty. Shrinking in on himself as he braced for backlash. Surly now they would see how inadequate he had been from the start.

But Shiro’s voice remained calm, and the room remained quiet.

“Why?”

Lance scoffed at that, leaning back against the couch, but keeping his eyes on his lap. “Isn’t it kind of obvious?”

“Tell me anyway. It might not be as obvious to some of us.”

Lance was pretty sure that wasn’t true, but he was already on thin ice with the team as it was, he wasn’t about to disobey Shiro.

Still though, it took him several minutes to be able to say the words out loud.

“You- you guys are all so… so good at stuff. Pidge is smart and good with technology and determined. She can hack into anything and we’d be dead like 10x over without her. Hunk is gentle, and big hearted, he’s a good cook and a great engineer for Voltron. He gets along well with aliens and he’s always there when people need him. Allura and Coran are the last of their kind alive! We need Allura to run the ship, she’s got altean magic plus she’s like royalty. She’s important. And Coran keeps everything running on the ship. He knows so much about space and planets, and he’s the best doctor we have - besides the healing pods. Keith’s our best pilot and our best swordsman. He’s confident and brave and insanely talented! Without him I don’t know if we’d have survived half the battles we were in, he’s a great soldier! And Shiro is… Shiro is our leader. Shiro’s been through so much. He’s so calm and level headed and determined and we need him. Without Shiro we’d be nothing! Without any of you we’d be nothing!”

He paused, taking a moment to catch his breath, recollect his thoughts, and brace himself for what he was about to say next. For the truth he’d kept inside for so long. There was no hiding it anymore, they’d all seen it first hand and now he had to explain it.

“But me? I’m nothing special. I’m not… any of that. I’m not smart, I’m not creative, or a diplomat. I’m not brave or talented or a leader. I don’t know things! I’m not important! I’m just Lance! I’m stupid and weak and annoying and useless and I don’t contribute anything but subpar shooting skills that any of you could probably learn faster than I ever did! I’m just a fucking deadweight, I hold Voltron back, I’m a fucking joke of a pilot! I’m not even really a fighter pilot, I got in a technicality! I always fuck things up! I’m a fuck up! A stupid, weak, good for nothing, worthless fuck up who doesn’t deserve to be a Paladin! Voltron would be so much better off if I just stopped being selfish and fucked off already so you guys wouldn’t have to deal with my shit anymore! Maybe then we’d actually be making progress against the Galra!”

He hadn’t meant to say that much. Actually he’d planned on stopping after ‘I’m just Lance!’ But, once he started, he found the words just poured out of him faster than he could collect them back up. And now… now here he was. With everything he’d ever felt about himself being laid on the table. Everything his own mind ever fucking screamed at him coming out in a convoluted mess as he finally found the words put to it’s mockery.

Lance lifted his hand, trying to whisk his still very much present tears away, when a gloved hand caught it.

He looked at Keith, making eye contact. Suddenly he was stuck. He couldn’t move, couldn’t breathe, couldn’t think (not that he usually could).

Because Keith, warrior, closed off, emotionless Keith… had tears in his eyes.

“That’s not true! None of that is true! You’re not stupid, or weak, or worthless, or any of that! You are Lance! Smart, skilled, funny, beautiful, amazing, wonderful Lance! Lance who always seems to know how to lighten the mood or offer up a joke! Lance who keeps everyone positive and innocent in the middle of a fucking space war! Lance, the sharpshooter, who we know always has our backs in battle. Lance who cares so much about everyone around him, and who would give his life in an instant to save any one of us! Lance who hid for so long that he was suffering because he didn’t want to make anyone else upset! Lance who thinks of everyone so highly that he thinks he isn’t good enough! But you are Lance! You are good enough! You’ve always been good enough! You’re not a deadweight, or a cargo pilot! You are so much more than that!”

Lance just stared as Keith tried to drive home a message that he just… that Lance couldn’t comprehend. This wasn’t… this couldn’t… he’d always known that he wasn’t… and now Kieth, Kieth who hated Lance’s guts was telling him…

Hunk joined up, bringing Lance into his arms as he began to speak. “We care about you man. Me especially. Whenever I’m feeling nervous or overwhelmed, you are what keeps me grounded. Keeps me from completely freaking out. You’re my best friend, and I would be devastated if you left. I couldn’t do this without you.”

Pidge nodded, staying where she was as she added her own two cents. “I know I haven’t always been the nicest towards you… especially in our early days as friends. I made you feel like you were stupid and not worth my time, and I didn’t even realise or try to apologise because I had other things going on. But I’ve always admired you Lance… the way you embrace everyone around you so easily - except maybe Keith - and the way you’re always so aware of everything going on around you. You always know exactly what to say or do to take the edge off, even if it means you end up getting yelled at or in trouble. You take care of us out here, and I never told you before but… I am extremely grateful for you.”

Lance was speechless. They were all saying such… nice things. Things he never saw as passably notable or important. Things he’d always said he had to do to make up for the fact that he was a complete fucking pile of nothing. And of course they weren’t! Not up to the standards of everyone else. None of that really helped in the fight against the Galra… did it?

“Lance,” Shiro began, “you are a valued and inconsequential member of this team. Your bond with the Blue Lion is the strongest out of all of us. Your ability to trust so deeply and so completely in others has been life changing in our diplomatic missions. There’s something about you that is just… so disarming that people want to be around you. I just wish…” he sighed, “I just wish you’d trusted us enough to tell us that you were feeling like this. You didn’t have to suffer alone Lance, none of us ever have to go through anything alone.”

“Why didn’t you tell us?” Pidge asked. She always wanted to know the why.

Lance, completely taken aback by everything, took a minute to register the question.

“I… didn’t think anyone would care. I thought it was just common knowledge… or that if I told you then you’d realise I was right. I didn’t want to jeopardize our objective with my stupid problems, not when it was just as easy to go about my day pretending everything was fine.”

Shiro’s eyes grew soft, “Lance, we would never ever kick you off the team for talking about your problems. I promise. You should never be afraid to talk to us. You don’t have to lie, or pretend you’re okay when you’re not. We’re a team, we’re here for each other, and nobody is going to be angry at you for telling us how you’re feeling.”

Lance’s lower lip trembled. The tears, which had subsided by the time Hunk started talking, came back. He pulled his hand out of Keith’s grasp to wipe at his eyes… again.

“I just- I- I didn’t want you guys to hate me.” Lance had given up trying to sound okay. His voice was wet, broken and oh so afraid. As if any minute they would realise that everything he was talking about was indeed true, and that they’d send him off into space. It’s what he deserved.

Hunk pulled him in again, this time it was a proper bear hug. Lance cried. It wasn’t the raw, terrified, pleading sobs that had taken over his body in the training room. These tears were drawn from a place of relief and mild fear. After all this time he’d finally let it all out, he’d finally opened up and showed them what he was - what he really was - and so far… they didn’t hate him.

They could. They may one day just decide they didn’t want him around. But right now they wanted him… all of him.

So he cried; and when Keith wrapped his arms around Lance from behind he didn’t resist; and when Pidge and Coran came over to join he didn’t fight; and when Allura and the space mice nuzzled their way in he didn’t try to run; and when Shiro finally decided to join in fully on the embrace, he stayed put.

He didn’t scream, or kick, or claw or try to get away. He embraced them, all of them. Embraced their warmth and their love, and their desire for him to be okay.

And he cried.

And though those tears would not be able to wash away the toxin of his brain. The poison that had built up after years of his life feeling like he was just some second rate cargo pilot from Cuba… they were a start.

A start to the long road to healing. A start to seeing himself as equal to his peers. A start to seeing himself deserving of Blue and his Paladin uniform.

They were a start to his long journey to feeling like he was worthy.

Like he was something.

[0xy--m0r0n]

how do i always manage to be late to birthdays. seriously. like i had this PREPARED.

also its kinda basic but i was (and still kinda am) going through art block for once so uh

good enough

happy birthday lance (my gift to him is a blender)

[thefinestkilljoy]

I finally got drawing again. I used references for the first two...

[seldomscilence16]

Whumptober day 12:

"I haven't slept in days, but who's counting?"

Red | insomnia | "im up, im up!"

Fandom: Voltron 

Prompts used: All

Alrighty! Part 2 of day 3! Hehehehehe! (This turned Klancey on me so fast i didnt even see it coming…) As always the timeline is screwed, I am pickpocketing the moments I want and placing them on a conspiracy board to my aesthetic liking. This deals with the aftermath of isolation, and its effects- to the best of my limited knowledge- so please tread carefully. Would love to hear from y'all if you like it! Thanks! 

Ps: Since alien measures of time are slightly longer I'm going off of someone elses calculations of what they may be. (Spiralled_Fury on A03) so a movement is 1.23 weeks which is roughly 8 days and something hours. 

…

The observation deck is quiet and dark, nothing but that soothing blue glow of Altean technology- nothing like that yellow of-

The stars, foreign as they may be, are nice to look at. The castle hums, and Blue is present in his mind, and it's a calm night in the open space. In a few minutes he'll make his rounds, check on each inhabitant of the castle, each of whom he sent to bed about a varga- hour- ago. It's been about a movement- a week since the pod, and that extra day and a little that he was in it- since his… rescue. He's tried his best to return to what was, but sometimes he wonders if he even should. 

He loves his team, he has been 'loverboy Lance' since practically birth. He cared so deeply about others, in detriment to himself typically, that even as a baby he knew when something was wrong with his family. They worried about him and his horrid taste in people, Hunk had barely made the cut and he's… well Hunk. But he just knows that if his Mama had been here watching their lives, he'd have gotten smacked upside the head, hugged to death, and whisked away with only the destruction her Chancla left behind them. 

That other voice in his head however pipes up, reminding him that they are children in war, lost in space and far away from all they have ever known. This team of teenagers is being led by two young adults, with one actual adult juggling a million duties behind them. This is a battlefield, and in a castle meant to house so many many more, 7 people barely fill a corner of it. 

Lance knows that they are good people. The thing that scared his family the most, was not that he could not discern the good and the bad people, but that he cared for them anyway like it would do something. (That's not true, he went to them because they gave him the time of day, you can only be used if you have a use after all…) 

But with the team, he knew they were good people. But they were also tired, traumatized and thrust into the turbulence, trials and tribulations of war and adulthood in one go. Lance had chosen who he was going to be the minute they'd all met in the desert. For kids lost in space needed something to ground them, something to make them smile, and remind them to rest, and to reminisce on home and what they fight for. But that apparently also made him the least, it felt like he was always coming up short or failing all together. That what he was doing was nothing to the team. 

He… didn't want to go back to that. But if he had to choose between that and the room, well… it wasn't a hard choice he supposed. 

His knees creak as he stands, he has to consciously straighten his back and neck- he doesn't have to duck or crouch anymore, there's room Lance, remember- his legs wobble for only a second before he takes his first step. He reminds himself that that's okay, he was gone for… a long time, and he sat or crouched or layed for all of it, his legs needed time to adjust to walking again. 

Bare feet pad slightly as he makes his familiar route. The Alteans are first, he can hear Corans snoring outside his door, and a small peek shows Allura curled up with the mice slumbering in her hair, her brow is relaxed and form loose, she needed the rest. Shiro is next, and he frowns at his leader's tense form, fist clenched in his sheets. He leans against the doorway, wracking his brain for a tune, and hums the first one he thinks of softly. He doesn't know why it works, why Shiro's whole form melts into the bed after a few moments of it, but he won't complain either, Shiro deserved good sleep. 

Hunk is next, and like Coran he can hear his snores through the door, though a deeper timbre and slightly quieter. He wants to peek in but Hunk is a light sleeper so he allows himself a few moments to listen before moving to Pidges room. The little gremlin is stubborn and Lance always has to prepare for the possibility of her being awake, so he braces himself as he opens her door. Her breaths are soft and though he has to maneuver around her heaps of who knows what, he finally finds her sprawled like a broken starfish in her bed, glasses askew and laptop haphazardly on her lap. He smiles at the drool at the corner of her mouth and shakes his head, carefully slipping off her glasses and placing them atop her laptop on her side table. He pulls the covers over her as she curls up on her side and lingers for only a moment, he still has one more person to check on. 

Keith's room is empty, two warring feelings hit him at once- a wave of panic and a tired sigh of exasperation. He makes his way to the training room, hearing the sounds of the gladiator from down the hall. He's too tired to interrupt this time round, Keith's chest is heaving so he'll probably be done soon anyway. He leans against the doorway watching mullet maneuver around the sparring section, more aggression than tact in his movements than usual, and finds his eyes feeling heavy. 

It's not a new feeling, he's felt strangely heavy for a while now despite his ribs doing their best at being one of those wooden frogs that you can make croak. He's only been able to get a few hours in this week, not that the team knows, or they haven't said anything. But everytime he closes his eyes…

The walls glow yellow and seem to creep closer every time he blinks, but if he doesn't blood starts to seep from the crevices he could never peel open and flood the room. He'll float there, eyes unblinking as he screams but no sound reaches his ears. The not bread and the not water dance a tango in front of him before launching down his throat as pain erupts from his very bones and his head expLOADS-

"LANCE!" 

"I'm up, I'm up!" He flails, wobbles backwards, falls-

Finds himself looking into Keith's frazzled eyes as the sweaty samurai holds him to his tense form. The image and sensations are too real, it was just a dream, he must have dozed off, he's fine, Keith is here and he's fine. 

"Sorry, I uh… was here to make you sleep ha…" Lance's body refuses to cooperate, but Keith seems to read him well enough, moving them until they're both simply sitting in the entrance. 

"You were… uh, you didn't look er no, I mean that it just seemed like something was freaking you out." Keith to his part, is even more awkward than Lance, but he's also actively working his sentences through so that's something. 

"Oh yeah… I'm fine, sorry." Lance looks away, rubbing at his face to stave off what he saw. 

"You look exhausted, I thought you were already in bed. What are you doing up again?" Keith ducks his head to see his face, sweaty mullet hanging in a scraggly mess. 

"I look awesome." Lance scoffs halfheartedly, definitely not saying what he was going to say because 'I haven't slept in days, but who's counting?' Would not go over well.

"What!? What do you mean days??"  

Oh well, maybe he's more tired than he thought. Lance laughs stiffly, moving to stand, but only accomplishing a weird half crawl wobble before Keith moves to keep him in place, they naturally fall into a tuffle because like hell is Lance going to have this conversation when hes so artfully avoided it and no ones brought it up and everything is FINE! 

And he's pinned. 

Keith is slightly winded- Lance's boney knees had a few purposes thank you- but he has Lance's wrists pinned on either side of his head, and legs pinning the rest of him in an annoyingly cool move that Lance will be learning later. But there's no triumphant grin or banter, instead worry still clouds his expression. 

"Have you slept at all since you've… been back?" He- like everyone on this ship- have refused to really bring up what went down. And it's not like Lance did either! But he's scared still, of things that happen again before his eyes. Keith's finger presses gently on his cheek, turning Lance's teary eyes towards him once again. "Talk to me, Sharpshooter." 

And Lance's soul, tired and weary, breaks open like a flood gate. Tears leaked down his cheeks- warm, they were always so warm against his cold skin- and he trembles- shivers, it was cold there, he was so cold. 

"I'm scared." He utters the words like a secret, and really it is one. Even if they saw him broken and at the end of his rope, Lance had tried so hard to return to his role when he got back, to be useful… “I don’t want to go back Keith.” 

“We will never let that happen! That guy isn’t going to hurt anyone ever again, and I promise to keep anyone else from doing it too!” Keith’s adamant response and determined eyes are enough to make him sob again, Keith falters wiping some of the tears absentmindedly. “What did I miss?”

“I don’t,” he swallows thickly, trying to get his thoughts in order, “want to be the seventh wheel anymore. The least. I don’t want to be alone. Please don’t-” he chokes on another sob and Lance is hurriedly pulled into a warm embrace. 

He’s startled for only a moment before heat chases away his cold, and safety wraps around him, and he burrows into it, hands gripping tightly around shoulders, afraid the moment will end too soon. 

“I’m sorry we made you feel that way. We were an absolute mess without you Lance, you have no idea how lost we were, I think I was literally ready to kill one of them. And I wasn’t alone in the sentiment. We can’t do this without you, and I don’t think we’d want to either.”

“I think,” he sniffles, voice muffled in Keith’s chest, “that’s the most I’ve heard you say at once in a while.” He squeezes tighter, voice softer, “thank you.” 

“I don’t know exactly what you went through, but I’m here if you need anything. And the team will be too, I’ll make sure of it okay?” Lance is hesitant in his nod, worry still deep in his chest. “Alright dork, movie night on the couch. If you’re gonna be awake so am I.” 

Keith stands and Lance yelps as he’s lifted, gripping Keith’s throat tight enough to choke. His face burns a brilliant shade of red to match his swollen eyes no doubt, and he can only give Keith’s little grin a petulant look. 

“I can walk.” 

“You could.” Keith agrees as he turns and starts the journey towards the common room. 

Lance watches him as they walk, aware of how out of character this was for them, How much Keith surprised him. He even worries this is a dream, that he’ll wake up alone in that cold dark room, or worse yet, that something terrible will happen next and the team will- but Lance doesn’t think even his mind could imagine these strong arms and abnormally warm chest. He’s set down on the couch, his fingers tighten on Keith’s shirt unconsciously. 

“I’m staying, I promise.”

And that meant more than Keith will ever know.

<<Prev

[langstron]

Langst Event 2023!

Hello everyone!

This year, we wish to create yet another Langst Event, and thought to let you choose which kind you wished to participate to!

Once the results roll in, we will create another poll with more specifics options to tailor the best possible event for you.

We cannot wait to see what it will turn out to be!

-Mod Lokiitama

[wogwoman]

｛☆HAPPY★BIRTHDAY☆LANCE}

ヽ（≧ω≦） /

One of my Most Favorite Days of July, if not the entire year!

My annual Langst Oneshot is up and ready, if any of you want to check it out:

And I set up blue decorations while baking some festive Birthday Brownies!

Happy Birthday to my most favorite Blue Boy,

Lance Mclain!

[callmelyc]

✨My 2023 KL Fic faves ✨💞

(Aka my fic wrapped....some of it I read way too many I have 300+ pages of history ok)

This is my list from Twitter that contains:

- Fic Rereads

-New to me reads (recs etc.)

-New to the fandom in 23 reads

All fics hand-picked that I've read and loved (or thought about) alot this year! So let's do this 💫

•Disclaimer: this list contains a mix of ratings for fics so pls pay attention to ratings if you'd like to avoid NSFW•

✨. You don't have to say I love you by XRider

Rated G

-forbidden love, childhood trauma but a happy ending (also mute lance!)

-alt universe non canon/no voltron

https://archiveofourown.org/works/45973999/chapters/115719643

💫. Life Sound by savemeaplate

Rated E (NSFW)

- prince Klance, enemies to friends to Lovers, non human Lance

-medieval fantasy setting, no voltron

https://archiveofourown.org/works/28395438/chapters/69578217

✨. Lifeline by peachyaslans

Rated T

-soulmates, shared injuries, friends to Lovers

-pre-canon & canon divergent

Https://archiveofourown.org/works/51176287

💫. Due West by europa_report

Rated T

-secret relationship, angst, Krolia & Lance bonding

-post S6, canon divergent

Https://archiveofourown.org/works/15588417

✨. Home by erinwantstowrite

Rated T

-canon rewrite, alien lance, team as family

- a revamped canon universe that's currently ongoing

Https://archiveofourown.org/works/38455249

💫. How long can this love hold it's breath? by artimess_chimes

Not rated no NSFW

-love letters, mutual pinning, denial of feelings

-canon universe, BOM era Keith

Https://archiveofourown.org/works/50344408

(y'all knew this was coming I shouted about it as it updated on twit):

✨. My soul has your claim, my soul is in flames by TellyMauve

Rated T

-confess or be trapped, love confessions, not actually unrequited love

-canon universe, canon divergent s7

Https://archiveofourown.org/works/46906135

✨.status rouge by perfchan

Rated E (NSFW)

-lance skincare shenanigans, getting together, crack treated seriously

-post canon universe, cracked me up the situations are ridiculous in the best ways

Https://archiveofourown.org/works/48173959

💫. Insomnia by viren_writes

Rating E (NSFW)

-mating rituals, jealous Keith (I love this tag), aliens made em do it

-canon universe, post s6

Https://archiveofourown.org/works/21502387

💫. Challenger of the maze by erinwantstowrite

Rated T

-smart lance, team as family, lance arc

-canon like universe, lance centric with hints of kl

Https://archiveofourown.org/works/38368447

✨. I killed sendak for this by hiuythn

Rated T

-humor, husbands and temp amnesia

-post canon universe, very sweet

Https://archiveofourown.org/works/17659658

💫. Galaxy station 87 by iridania

Rated M

-mystery, illness, unreliable narrator (it got me good and normally I see thru them)

-canon like universe, missions

Https://archiveofourown.org/works/15930527

✨. One life for the two of us by iwriteshipsnotsailthem (a fave writer)

Rated T

-single parent Lance, tattoo artist Keith, fluff and angst

-alt universe no voltron

Https://archiveofourown.org/works/21800272

💫. The greatest unknowns by keithsgaycousin

Rated G

-single parent Keith, pediatrician Lance, falling in love

-alt universe no voltron

Https://archiveofourown.org/works/33240130

✨. One wheel short by youareinacomawakeup

Rated T

-alt universes, angst & langst, shit gets real

-somewhat canon compliance lots of alt universes

✨. Breathe into me by cyberkogane

Rated M

-jealous Keith, lance has a Galra bf, endgame Klance

-alt canon universe

Https://archiveofourown.org/works/15234423

💫. If it's not broken by emo_texas_toast

Rated E (NSFW)

-humor & smut, lance trying to seduce landlord Keith, happy ending

-alt universe no voltron

Https://archiveofourown.org/works/46620268

✨. Ten minutes on the clock, 20 years on the mind by negativefouriq

Rated T

-bamf lance, angst, hurt/comfort

-canon like universe, I think about this one alot

Https://archiveofourown.org/works/38976807

💫. You're a dream to me by icedpink

Rated T

-alt universe canon divergent, secret relationship, team as family

-v cute

Https://archiveofourown.org/works/45049723

✨. Love me twice, save me thrice by witty_name

Rated M some nsfw

-fae court, magic, intrigue

-alt universe no voltron, their love is so magnetic

Https://archiveofourown.org/works/25599466

💫. Wicked rather than virtuous by 2dick2down

Rated E (NSFW)

-dramatic lance (he's so funny), miscommunication, jealousy

-alt universe no voltron

Https://archiveofourown.org/works/19198666

✨. So, Darling (save the last dance for me) by negativefouriq

Rated T

-pov outsider, smitten Keith, soft klance

-alt universe canon divergent

Https://archiveofourown.org/works/48090406

💫. Dusk till Dawn by hannaadi88 & hunkydory

Rated E (NSFW)

-fae lance, angst, ambitious lance

-huge warning and spoiler: not klance endgame, Reccing it bc it was good but it hurt like a bitch at the end

Https://archiveofourown.org/works/26258401

[langst-is-my-unborn-baby]

Me posting Langst/klance on Ao3 in the year 2023

Never truly free

[sleepyverstappens]

F1 Spotify Wrapped game

Okay F1 peeps, I came up with a spotify wrapped game. Show the songs for each driver number (either of the 2022 or 2023 grid). Feel free to use this as a template (pls @ me in yours though I wanna see all of them). Here’s mine with the 2022 grid:

1 -> Max = Shut Off The Lights by Bastille

3 -> Daniel = Thelma + Louise by Bastille

4 -> Lando = Een Teken by Froukje

5 -> Sebastian = Ik Wil Dansen by Froukje

6 -> Nicholas = Noodgeval by Goldband

10 -> Pierre = Kinderwens by Goldband

11 -> Sergio = No Bad Days by Bastille

14 -> Fernando = De Langste Nacht by Goldband

16 -> Charles = What You Do To Me by Blanks

18 -> Lance = Ik Haat Je by Goldband

20 -> Kevin = Lost In The Moment by Blanks

22 -> Yuki = Dit Is Voor Jou by Goldband

23 -> Alex = Club 57 by Bastille 

24 -> Zhou = Welcome To The Rock by Come From Away Original Broadway Cast

31 -> Esteban = Real Life by Bastille

33 -> Max (Bonus) = Heb Ik Dat Gezegd? by Froukje

44 -> Lewis = Starting Line by Luke Hemmings

47 -> Mick = Survivin’ by Bastille

55 -> Carlos = Shut Off The Lights (SPINALL Remix) by Bastille

63 -> George = SAD (Clap Your Hands) by Young Rising Sons

77 -> Valtteri = The Mustard Seed by Son Mieux

[keynewssuriname]

Catherine Kaslan goed op weg voor prolongatie vrouwenschaaktitel

Vrouwenschaakkampioen Catherine Kaslan lijkt goed op weg voor haar vierde opeenvolgende titel. Ze staat momenteel, na vier gespeelde ronden tijdens het nationaal damesschaakkampioen, fier aan kop met 3.5 punt. De naaste belagers Maylee Tjong Tjin Joe, Elise Wu, Janice Orasji en jongere zus Victoria Kaslan hebben elk 1 punt minder. De 3-voudige kampioene is sinds 2019 niet van de troon weg te krijgen. Zij won alle hoofdprijzen (2019, 2022 en 2023). In 2020 en 2021 werd vanwege de Covid-pandemie geen nationaal dameskampioenschap georganiseerd. De kampioene en zusje Victoria waren automatisch voor de nationale titelstrijd geplaatst. Catherine als titelverdedigster en Victoria, omdat zij zich voor het nationaal schaakkampioenschap (dat is de overall titelstrijd voor mannen en vrouwen) had geplaatst. De overige 8 dames stelden hun plek in het damesschaakkampioenschap veilig via een kwalificatietoernooi. Het kampioenschap bij de vrouwen ging op zondag 27 april van start in het Denksport Centrum. Catherine leed tot nog toe slechts in de 3e ronde puntenverlies na een remise tegen Victoria. De drievoudige schaakkampioene wist haar overige 3 partijen wel in winst om te zetten. In de vierde ronde versloeg zij Xue-Wen Fung. Verder wonnen Victoria, Tjong Tjin Joe en Wu allen hun partijen in ronde 4 van respectievelijk Shefali Creebsburg, Orasji en Mary-Lou Wongsoredjo. Naar verluidt was de langste partij in ronde 4 tussen Alexandra Kaslan en Joëlle Wijnhard. Deze spannende wedstrijd eindigde uiteindelijk remise. Op dinsdag 30 april gaan de vrouwen wederom aan de slag met ronde 5. Wu staat dan tegenover Orasji, Kaslan C. treft Wongsoredjo, Wijnhard ontmoet Tjong Tjin Joe, Kaslan V. komt uit tegen Fung en Creebsburg staat tegenover Kaslan A. De volledige stand na 4 ronden: 1. Kaslan C. (3.5 punt), 2. Tjong Tjin Joe (2.5 punt), 3. Wu (2.5 punt), 4.Orasji (2.5 punt), 5. Kaslan V. (2.5 punt), 6. Creebsburg (2 punten), 7. Kaslan A. (2 punten), 8. Wijnhard (1.5 punt), 9. Fung (1 punt) en 10. Wongsoredjo (0 punt).   Read the full article

[shsy7573]

Quiet

Part two, by shsy7573

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

The next time they saw Lance was 12:00 the next day. He dragged himself from his room after much prompting from the team that it was really time for him to wake up.

He didn’t look like he’d slept for seven hours. In fact, he looked like he’d barely even slept one. But when they asked him if he was feeling alright he smiled and insisted he was fine.

Because he was. Totally and completely fine. He’d gotten out of bed, and he was only feeling slightly weighed down by the quiet that followed every sound. That roared in his ears every time he stopped to take a breath.

And sure, it’d taken him three hours to pull himself out of bed. But he was still feeling just fine.

They didn’t have to worry about him. He never wanted them to worry about him. These were Lance’ problems and he could deal with them on his own.

He was fine. Even though he could only stomach two mouthfuls of food goo. Even though he could barely focus during team training. Even though his body willed him to do anything but be a contributing member of society. Even as he felt the quiet creeping up, and up, and up through his veins. He was fine.

He was always fine.

It was 15:30 when Lance went in search of something to drown out the quiet. He made the usual rounds.

First Hunk. But Hunk was busy, and Lance didn’t want to bother him. He didn’t even ask.

Then Pidge. But Pidge was crabby and he didn’t want to annoy her. He slipped out as she cursed insults at her game.

Then he found Coran and Allura. But they were reminiscing about Altea and Lance didn’t want to intrude.

Then he spotted Shiro and Keith. They were having one of their teaching, bonding, brotherly moments. Lance didn’t even announce his presence.

And through it all Blue called out to him. Begging him to talk to her. To let her in. To tell someone about the heaviness, the despair, the loneliness. To talk to her about the quiet.

But Lance refused. It was one thing to find others to distract him from it. It was another to tell them about it. To spread it to them like a disease. To bring them down with his own stupid bullshit.

And Blue would have it even worse, because they shared a mind.

So he refused, and he retreated back to bed.

-

The next day came by fast. Probably because he slept through the rest of the last one.

His mind woke up at 6:00. Lance couldn’t drag his body out of bed until 10:30.

He put on some moisturiser. Threw on some clothes, and left his room. With his hands in his pockets, he walked down to the lounging area, where everyone was already in full conversation about something. He watched for a few moments, not quite feeling up to joining in on the antics.

And then someone noticed him.

“Lance!” Hunk rejoiced, “you’re awake! We missed you at breakfast again, buddy.”

“And dinner.” Pidge added grumpily

And Lance did what he always did. He smiled. He smiled and waved as he stepped into the realm of socialisation.

“Yeah, sorry. I must be coming down with something, I keep falling asleep,” he lied.

“Well hopefully it’s not too serious. We’ve got that big infiltration mission coming up soon,” Shiro proclaimed, walking over and pressing a hand to Lance’s forehead.

“I’m fine, Shiro,” Lance said, batting the hand away, “I promise.”

The Black Paladin furrowed his brow, “if you say so.”

“Just don’t get the rest of us sick,” Pidge muttered.

Lance lifted his hands in surrender, “I’ll try my best, Pidgeon.”

Shouldn’t be that hard considering I’m not really sick.

But that seemed to be the end of the conversation, and Lance was thankful for that.

Until another one started. “Have you eaten yet today?” Shiro asked.

Suddenly a ping of hunger stabbed Lance in the gut, and he was painfully aware of the fact that he hadn’t eaten much at all in the last give or take 48 hours. Let alone this morning. He just didn’t have the stomach for it.

He shoved his hands in his pocket. They were shaking.

“I… yes?” He lied. It didn’t sound very convincing. He’d blame it on the weariness of hunger.

“Lance, you need to eat.” Shiro said. Lance sighed, looking at his feet.

“Why don’t you come with me buddy. I’ll make you something really good. I know that goo stuff isn’t the best when you’re sick,” Hunk placated. Wrapping an arm around Lance’s shoulder and leading him away.

“K,” was all Lance was able to reply. As they walked the quiet thickened. As Hunk sat him down the quiet thickened. As he left to prepare the food the quiet roared, suffocating him. Choking him with its intoxicating will to just give in.

His hands were quivering badly now, and he felt himself sweating cold. Forgoing food for so long may not have been the best idea.

When Hunk presented him his dish, Lance forced himself to eat it semi-normally. He didn’t want Hunk to think he didn’t like it. He did. He loved it. And he was hungry. He just didn’t feel like eating.

But he did. And he told Hunk it was good, which it was. And he felt some of his strength returning.

When he stood up he didn’t feel as wobbly, and he smiled at Hunk as they went to locate the others again.

But still, between every footstep and every heartbeat and every inhale or exhale of breath it was there. It was too much. And Lance pushed onwards, spurring Hunk into a ramble about his culinary genius. The way Hunk’s eyes lit up as he explained his passion for food made the quiet duller. Its grip is weaker. Its edge duller.

And Lance smiled more warmly.

He carried on through the day with a cloud shrouding his view of the world. And he tried his best to ignore the quiet. To focus on the small sounds. To not let it consume him entirely.

He forced himself to train.

He forced himself to do castle chores so that he didn’t sit with idle hands. Alone with his thoughts.

He forced himself to stay up and eat with the team, before retiring to his bedroom for the rest of the night.

-

The next morning, he pried himself out of bed at 8:00. Going to breakfast and shovelling food into his mouth.

The team split up, and Lance found himself once again in search of companionship.

It went about as well as the last time he tried.

He barely made it to lunch before retreating to his room.

He barely managed to force himself out of bed to eat supper.

He didn’t stay awake long enough to partake in the team’s movie night.

-

The next few days felt pretty much the same. Some days he’d get up early and face the day with a smog over his brain. Some days he’d hide away as long as possible before he felt he’d worried the team enough. Some days he’d train. Some days he’d seek out others. Some days he’d show up to evening meals with the team, and some days he’d go to bed in the afternoon and not emerge again until morning.

And then the day of the mission came up, and he forced himself out of bed at 5:00. They were supposed to leave at 7:30, so he had two hours to get his shit together.

He splashed water on his face, performed his skincare routine, threw on his Paladin uniform and headed downstairs for breakfast with the team.

He forced lumps of food goo down his throat. Put on the same old act of cocky, goofy, slightly irritating, humorous Lance.

He got into Blue, insisting over and over again to his Lion that he was fine.

And at 7:30, they set off, and Lance's brain snapped into mission mode. The quiet receded to the outskirts of his mind. Still there, but not enough to cloud his judgement.

They approached the Galra base from its blind spot. Sneaking up in the cover of the blinding rays of a nearby star.

They’d planned this out for weeks. They knew exactly what to do. They landed on the rings of the planet next to the base. Keeping their lions in the blindspot of the sun. Then, they all piled into the Green Lion, and snuck right up close to the ship.

Pidge dropped off the Paladins, along with some BLIP tech and Galra scanners before flying back to the planet’s rings to monitor the Paladin’s progress from a safe distance.

Hunk and Shiro tackled the first floor, aiming to find the base’s prisoners and set them free. Meanwhile, Lance and Keith made their way as stealthily as possible to the control room.

They were proceeding cautiously through a long, empty corridor when Keith turned to Lance, both their mic’s off, and started talking.

“Has there been something going on with you lately?” He asked. Looking over his shoulder, before lowering his voice even more from the mutter it was at.

“No,” Lance replied, lying through his teeth, “why?”

“I just… you’re not around as often. You don’t talk as much. You just seem less… yourself.”

Lance rolled his eyes, “I told you all I was getting sick didn’t I?” He questioned. Suddenly grateful for that lie. “I just gotta wait for it to pass. You don’t have to worry. I’m not gonna compromise the mission.”

“That’s not what I—“

“You guys have incoming!” Pidge whispered through coms, and the two Paladins both ducked behind the pillars on each side of the wall.

They listened as marching footsteps slowly approached from the direction they’d been coming from.

Lance listened to the sound, holding up his fingers and slowly, silently counting down from three.

When his last finger fell, he and Keith both jumped out from behind their cover, catching the sentries by surprise and disabling their control panels before they could scream for help. Not that they could, really. They were robots.

Keith and Lance continued on, locating the control room not long after that.

“Okay,” Keith whispered in his ear, “you take out the two on the right, I’ve got the big one on the left.”

“Copy,” Lance responded. He manoeuvred himself into position, waiting for Keith to signal their go.

That went as well as the altercation before. They incapacitated their opponents easily —or, as easy as it was to fight the Galra— and Keith walked over and inserted a small flash drive-esk thing into the panel. Pidge talked Keith through the process of downloading Galra data while Lance kept watch.

And as he stood near the entrance, coast supposedly clear, he began to feel heavy again as quiet surrounded him.

His shoulders slumped and his eyes scanned the hallway lazily. Nothing. No footsteps. No eyes. No lights. Nothing to focus on.

He couldn’t turn his microphone back on. He knew he’d get distracted by what was happening. He had to stay focused. He couldn’t give in to the need for an out right now.

But as it turned out, the quiet was just as distracting as the others, because he didn’t even realise the blast heading for him until Pidge called over the coms.

“LANCE WATCH OUT—“

A beam collided directly with Lance’s shoulder, and he was sent careening backwards. He landed on his ass, and lifted his bayard to shoot down the hallway at the figures approaching.

“Lance? You good?!” Keith asked, turning around.

The Blue Paladin forced his way-too-heavy-for-the-motivation-he-had-right-now body to its feet, and continued shooting at their oppressors.

“Yeah, I’m good. Keep doing your computer-y thingy” He hissed, but in reality he could feel pain radiating through his shoulder.

He ignored it, sending more beams of blue energy towards the Galran centuries.

One good thing about this base: the entirety of its population were robots. The only biometric signatures on the ship were that of the prisoners.

A couple more well aimed shots and the robots were deactivated. Lance breathed heavily, lifting his free hand up to press his shoulder. He winced, biting back a yelp. Probably dislocated. He could deal with that later.

“You guys alright up there?” Asked Shiro over coms.

“We’re fine,” Lance replied, though his breathy voice wasn’t super convincing. “Just got into a little spat. How’s the prison break going?”

“Good.” Shiro reported. “We’re just loading the last of them onto the escape pods now.”

As if having perfect timing, Keith turned around, holding a disconnected chip in his hand. “Good, then we’ll all meet at our exit point at the same time.”

And they did.

As they all swarmed back into the hull of the Green Lion, Lance was aware of the quiet. Nobody spoke, concentrating on evading the many Galran ships that were now patrolling the base.

He couldn’t take it.

“So… that was close, huh?”

“Lance, shut up! I’m trying to focus!” Pidge spat as she veered out of the path of an energy beam.

His mood sank again, “right… sor- AGH!” he exclaimed in pain as they made a harsh turn, and his bad shoulder was rammed into Keith’s elbow.

Light danced on the edge of his vision as white hot pain radiated from the area.

“Lance?! Are you okay?” Kieth asked.

Lance nodded. Gritting his teeth against the pain as he raised a shaky, unstable finger to his lips, before pointing at Pidge.

Keith gave him an exasperated look, but was forced to stay silent as the lion veered right again and he fought to keep his footing.

“Just a couple more minutes guys! Then I can turn the cloaking back on!” Pidge said as she dodged out of the way of another ship.

The entire hull shook as the Green Lion was hit. Hunk gripped tightly onto the wall, grabbing Shiro with his other hand before they could be thrown forward. Keith caught himself on the back of Pidge’s chair.

Lance was not so lucky. He was sent sailing over the top of Pidge’s chair and right on top of her lap. This many people in a Lion’s cockpit was definitely not safe.

“Lance!” Pidge screamed, kicking at him as she struggled to keep Green under control. “Get the hell off me!”

Her foot shoved him to the ground, and he couldn’t help the scream that escaped as he landed on his dislocated shoulder.

“My Cub! Hurt!” Blue fretted. He could hear her concern.

No, Blue, it’s fine I— “FUCK!”

He screamed in pain again as the ship lurched back and his shoulder was sent ramming into the bottom of Pidge’s chair.

He was trying to get up, but with only one hand and the ship being jostled around like crazy he didn’t think he could.

“Danger! I will protect!”

Blue, no! Stay— he couldn’t keep a proper train of thought Pidge kicked him away again. He’d managed to stand up, but fell on top of her again as the ship barrel rolled.

“Lance, stay off me!” She spat as she steered the ship sideways.

Lance’s back slammed into the side of the cockpit. He felt dizzy and disoriented. He wasn’t even sure where he was.

“My Cub! I’m here!”

“Blue no!” He shouted, voice raw with pain. But it was too late. Blue raced past the Green Lion, blasting ice at the surrounding ships.

But there were too many of them. Too many for a pilotless lion to take on her own. Sure maybe if he had time to concentrate and guide her, but he could barely get out two words before being flown across the length of the Green Lion’s cockpit!

“What’s the Blue Lion doing here, Lance?! This wasn’t part of the plan!” Keith exclaimed. Very much panicking.

But Lance’s mind was fogged with pain and he couldn’t hear anything over the sound of Blue’s cries as she tried desperately to save them.

“Fuck! Fuck! Fuck! Fuck!” Pidge exclaimed as now she was not only fighting to defend them, but Blue as well.

“Dammit! Blue! Get out of here, I’m fine!”

“No! Cub always say that! Not fine!”

“This time I am Blue, please! I promise! You’re just hurting yourself!”

“My Cub is hurt! I will protect! Hurt with you!”

“BLUE, DAMMIT I DON’T NEED—“

“LANCE, WHAT THE HELL’S GOING ON?!”

“There’s more of them!”

“We’re getting swarmed!”

“I can cloak now, but we need to get the Blue Lion out of here!”

“FUCKING HELL!” Lance screamed. He turned on his jet pack and finally, finally was able to right himself. Pain screamed down his entire arm and his head was pounding and despite all the yelling his head still felt so goddamn quiet!

“Pidge, line me up! I’m gonna eject over there and fly her myself!”

“You can’t! It’s too dangerous to go out there Lionless!”

“You got a better idea!”

“No, but that one’s stupid.”

“Well I am fucking stupid, so I don’t give a shit. Just do it!” Lance yelled. He didn’t leave much room for arguing as he made his way towards the ejection pad.

“Lance, I’m not doing it!”

“Pidge is right, it’s too dangerous!” Hunk agreed

“Lance, get your ass back here!” Keith demanded.

Lance hovered his hand over the eject button. “I’m gonna fucking press this, so if you want me to have a chance at surviving you’re gonna fucking line me up!”

Pidge let out a yell of anger, but she had no choice. She looped Green around, then aimed her towards the Blue Lion’s mouth.

Lance watched, waiting for the exact right moment.

“See you guys on the other side!” He yelled, ramming his hand down on the button and feeling his body being shot out into space.

For a couple, terrifying moments, he was surrounded by nothing but stars, Galra ship, and space lions. And then, Blue, in her desperation to save him, opened her mouth and collected him into her safe embrace. Sheltering him from the battle and from the screams of his friends who were 100% still arguing his decision despite it already being made.

Gritting his teeth as his shoulder pain intensified tenfold, he ran to his pilot chair, sat down, and began trying to get control of Blue.

“I made it!” He called over intercoms, barely caring to hear the response as he commanded Blue to action.

“Lance! Oh my god! When we get back to the ship I swear I am gonna fucking kill you!” Pidge screamed in his ear.

“Yeah well, let’s focus on getting back to the ship first, alright?!” Lance suggested, trying his best to dodge the fire of the Galra ships.

Pidge was screaming over coms, “how do you suggest we do that?!”

“You get cloaked and go to the other lions!”

“And leave you behind?!”

“I’ll be fine! I can evade long enough for everyone to get to their own lions and provide support! But none of us are gonna get out of here if you don’t hurry the fuck up!”

As if to reiterate his point, another shot landed on the Green Lion’s side.

Pidge growled in irritation, before responding. “Fine! Just don’t fucking die while I’m gone!”

And then the Green Lion disappeared, and Lance was all alone. It was just him, Blue, and the quiet.

And, of course, an entire Galra fighter fleet, but that's besides the point.

Lance was just starting to doubt that his plan would actually get him out of here alive when the rest of the Paladins returned with their lions.

He’d never been so happy to see the giant, metal, multicoloured lions in his life.

“Lance! Get out of there!” Keith yelled as he shot a fire beam towards some of the ships flanking Lance.

They fought together, and with all five of them, they managed to escape only slightly banged up and, by some miracle of the universe, alive.

Soon, the Galra base, as well as the ships, were out of sight.

And as they journeyed back to the castle, the quiet crept in once more. It settled over the static on the coms. Its presence the same as all the other times it had reared its ugly head. It was always the same. The same heavy feeling. The same unbearable silence. The same feeling of swimming through a river of molasses. Limbs heavy as the ocean.

“Lance.” Said someone over the coms as the Castle came into view. The tone was small, quiet. Lance wasn’t quite sure who it was, until they continued speaking and he recognised the familiar rasp of Keith’s voice. “That was… incredibly stupid.”

Lance didn’t reply for a moment. The quiet in the hull felt almost too difficult to penetrate with his own voice.

“I know.”

“You could have been killed.” Kieth continued.

“I know.”

Lance flew through the suffocating silence. His hands were definitely not shaking.

“Is your shoulder alright?”

“It’s fine.”

That was a lie. It hurt like hell, actually. But he wasn’t going to make the team worry any more. He hated it when they worried.

They returned to their hangars, and Lance forced himself out of the pilot seat. Slowly dragging himself down and out of Blue’s mouth onto the floor of the large room.

He commanded his feet to carry him towards the med bay. And was met halfway by the rest of the team. The very worried, very pissed off team.

He stopped as they appeared in the hallway before him, leaning on the wall as they made no move to let him by.

Pidge stalked forward first, face contorted was a mixture of concern, fear and anger. She punched him in the gut.

“What the hell was that! Fucking throwing yourself into space in the middle of a battle! Do you know how fucking idiotic that was!?! No- you know what- of course you do! You just get a kick out of giving us all a fucking heart attack, don’t you?! Fucking—“

And then she was hugging him. Wrapping her small arms around his body so tightly that he struggled to breath.

Lance couldn’t force himself to find humour in her fit, though. He was too strung out. His shoulder hurt, his brain felt like mush, the adrenaline of battle had subsided and, most importantly, he had fucking fucked up again. He had worried all of them so much. He had compromised the mission by not being able to keep his shit together, and tell Blue to stay the fuck where she was.

He couldn’t even bring himself to smile.

Shiro stepped forward and wrapped his arm around Lance’s very much shaking body.

“Why don’t we get you to a healing pod. We can talk about… all this after.”

Lance nodded mutely, and allowed himself to be guided silently to the med bay. The quiet clung to him like a wet blanket. No matter how many ways he twisted his mind, he just couldn’t pry it off him. He didn’t have the energy to try.

So, as he changed into the appropriate clothing for the healing pod, and stepped himself inside, Lance stopped fighting. He was going to be medically unconscious for at least half a varga, so he figured the quiet could have its way until then.

For now, Lance would let the quiet win.

Just until he had the energy to fight again.

-

Lance tipped forward as the healing pod slid open.

For a moment, he was free falling, and he didn’t have the energy nor the care to catch himself.

But then something else kept him upright.

The Blue Paladin looked up to see himself limp in the arms of Keith Kogane. For a moment, his mind didn’t register it. Didn’t register the vulnerability he was in. Didn’t care to do anything but stay there. Limp. Unmoving. Cold.

Quiet.

But then his senses caught up with him, and his face flushed, and he found his own feet supporting him as he pulled away.

“Keith?” He questioned, shocked.

And then he remembered.

“You—“ he looked behind Keith to the rest of the team, “you waited?”

“Of course we waited, Lance. We wanted to make sure you were okay.” Hunk said, coming forward and bringing Lance into his embrace.

“Oh… well, I’m fine.” Lance supplied, hugging Hunk back before pulling away again. The bitter cold fatigue of the healing pod coupled with the viper grip of the quiet as it coiled around him made him eager to push past whatever conversation they wanted to have and get to his room.

“Look, I know what I did was stupid, but there weren't a whole lot of options and I couldn’t get Blue under control until I was able to actually be in control. I’m sorry I scared you guys, but I knew what I was doing… mostly.”

His voice was flat. Monotone. Exhausted. It wasn’t Lance. Not like they were used to.

Shiro sighed, “It’s okay, Lance. I can tell you’re tired, and I’d rather not get into a whole lecture. How about we just let it go and move on, okay? I think that’s what’s best for everyone at this point.”

Lance nodded, very grateful despite his inability to express it. He couldn’t express anything right now. He was too cold. Too tired. Too numb.

He brushed past everyone, walking in a slow, mechanical gate all the way up to his room. He collapsed onto his bed, and curled up tightly in his assortment of blankets. Twisting his whole body between them until he felt every pocket of cool air snuffed out by their warm embrace.

The quiet made itself at home in the familiar confines of Lance’s bedroom. Lance didn’t give a shit.

He closed his eyes, ready to sleep off the events of the day, and move on with his life.

Sadly, he was aware that his brain wouldn’t allow him to just forget about it.

For now, though, it was nice to pretend that it could.

-

He got up at 8:30. And by up I mean up, out of bed, dressed. Lance was feeling stubborn today. Stubborn, and slightly terrified. He didn’t want to spend another day holed up in his room, with nothing but the quiet to keep him company. Because he hated the quiet. And even though moving through it was hard. Even though breathing in it seemed near impossible. He felt like he had to.

After yesterday, he had expected hostility. Irritation. Didn’t mean it didn’t hurt. Every time he said something, or made a joke, or tried to participate, the others would look at him disdainfully. They would barely allow him to interact. Their worry from the day before morphing into anger now that he was for sure okay.

But Lance was feeling stubborn today. So when mealtime ended he stayed with Hunk, who went to the engine room to tinker.

The clacking of metal and scraps comforted Lance. He picked up a small, miniscule object and began rolling it between his fingers.

“Hey Hunk, what is this? It’s kinda squishy.” Lance asked, and to demonstrate he squeezed his fingers a bit to feel the compression of the material.

“Lance don’t—!”

The ball exploded in a brilliant ray of multi-coloured paint. Splattering the stuff all over him, Hunk, and the workspace.

Lance sat there for a moment, then smiled. “Paint bomb! Cool!”

Apparently Hunk didn’t think it was cool. At least, not when it was… everywhere. “Listen, Lance. Maybe you can— I don’t know, go do something else.”

His voice wasn’t… aggresive, but it was curt. Sharp. On edge.

And Lance felt heavy again. His shoulders sagged, and he got to his feet. “Oh… yeah, sure thing, buddy.”

He shoved his hands in his pockets and walked out of the engine room. The quiet lulled around him. Thick and suffocating, like the smell of ax body spray. Lance shook his head. He pushed through it. Trying to force it to let up, but it stayed. In all it’s soul consuming glory, it stayed.

So he ignored it instead. It weighed him down, but he pretended it didn’t.

He found Pidge next. He was nervous to talk to her. She was scary when she was pissed. But his fear of the quiet outweighed his fear of being yelled at.

Yelling was better than silence.

Anything was better that the quiet.

“Hey, Pidge?” he questioned, walking over as she preformed a roundhouse kick on the video game they’d got from the space small.

“Not now, Lance. I’m busy. Whatever you need help with, get someone else to do it.”

Lance shook his head. “I don’t need and help. I was just… I was just wondering if I could chill with you for a bit.”

His voice was casual, but hopeful. He begged her to say yes. He needed her to say yes.

“I— I’m not really in the mood right now.” Pidge stated, he saw the movements on her controller falter.

“Oh…”

Pidge paused the game, turning around to apologise. To say she just wanted some alone time after yesterday. She didn’t mean to be snippy with him. She was still more worried than irritated. But Lance was already walking away. His posture slumped. Defeated. Dejected.

Pidge stared for a moment, then hesitantly went back to her game.

Lance found Coran next, but he was running a high intensity diagnostics test.

“Sorry, I just don’t think you’re, uh… skillset is required for this. I’m afraid you’ll only get in the way.”

Lance sighed, his eyes downcast. He knew what Coran really meant. That he was too stupid. Too much of a fuck up to be anything useful.

“K.” He murmured, before leaving the Altean to his work.

He missed the man’s guilty, worrisome gaze as Lance walked away.

With every rejection the quiet grew stronger. Like it was a butter churn, and each person who turned Lance away sent another stroke through the substance. Letting the silence cake in his lungs.

Then he found Shiro and Allura. They were talking in the control room. He walked in, straightening ever so slightly, but not making any more effort to conceal his misery.

He couldn’t.

“Hey guys.”

They didn’t even look at him.

“Feeling better, Lance?” Allura asked, though her voice was curt. Like she wanted to reprimand him instead.

“Mhm,” he hummed, but didn’t do much more.

“We’re just working on the castle’s defense systems. Trying to find ways to improve them. Coran is downstairs right now running a diagnostics test.” Shiro explained. Though Lance could guess he wanted to be able to focus.

Lance looked back down, dropping his shoulders again. “I just saw him. Suppose my skillset isn’t required here either.”

“Afraid not. Not to worry Lance, we’ve got this under control.” Allura assured, though she wasn’t paying much attention.

Lance figured he’d find no escape from the quiet here. In fact, this room felt more clogged with the stuff than the rest of the Castle. So, Lance hummed, turned, and left the team leaders to their business.

As he walked he found the mounting emptiness grow heavier, and heavier still. Lance struggled to breathe. He felt his eyes watering, but there was no outward emotion behind them. No screwing of the face. No sobs. Just misted eyes and he hauled himself down the Castle hallways.

He needed an escape. He couldn’t let himself be taken over. He didn’t want to. He hated this feeling. He hated the quiet. He didn’t want it!

So, when he found himself knocking on Keith’s door, I guess he shouldn’t have been so surprised. Normally he wouldn’t bother the Red Paladin if he was alone in his room. He hardly bothered anyone when they were alone in their rooms. But especially not Keith.

Lance needed some noise, though. He needed the quiet gone.

So he knocked.

And he heard Keith yell. Not hostile. Just prompting. “What?!”

Lance stood there for a moment or two, leaning on the wall beside the door, bracing himself against it. Then, finally, he managed to fight the quiet. Just enough to utter one word.

“Keith?”

His voice was dry. Exhaustion seeping through as he stared at the door.

Behind the door the Red Paladin sighed, “what do you want, Lance?!”

Lance didn’t have a concrete answer. He just needed a distraction. He needed to be away from the quiet. He needed something.

But he couldn’t tell that to Keith. And Lance was done with the lying. He couldn’t lie, and pretend he was fine. Not today.

He just didn’t have the energy.

So he didn’t answer. Instead, he diverted. Asking, “what’re you doing?”

“Why is that any of your buisness?!” Keith snapped. Lance could tell he hadn’t come any closer to the door.

Lance sighed, leaning his head against the wall. More tears filled his eyes, and in that moment, he was just…

Done.

He couldn’t do it anymore.

He could tell he wasn’t going to get anywhere with Keith and he was so tired of trying.

Of fighting.

Of pretending.

So he shoved himself off the wall and started walking away. He made the short trip to his room (and by short trip I really mean short. Like a metre or two), tears slipping from his eyes as he began to walk inside.

He heard the tell tale sign of a door opening behind him, but he didn’t care anymore. He didn’t even look back as he walked into his room and closed the door behind him.

The Blue Paladin flopped onto his bed and yanked his comforter around him.

He couldn’t do it anymore.

He was so sick of fighting.

The quiet was too much. He couldn’t get away from it. He never would.

Lance gave up. He was too tired. He fucking gave up.

And the quiet lunged in. Taking the hopelessness in his soul and milking it for everything it was worth.

-

Keith regretted his response immediately. He’d been in the middle of a good book. And I mean, a really good fucking book.

But even as the words left his mouth, he regretted them. He didn’t want to snap at Lance, it just… sort of happened.

Guilt churned in his gut as he heard Lance sigh. It was a heart wrenching sound. So full of despair, and Keith couldn’t stand it.

He shoved a bookmark between the pages before tossing the book aside. The Red Paladin stood up and hurried to the door.

He opened the door just in time to see Lance retreating into his bedroom.

“Lance?” He asked. But the door to the boy’s room was already closed.

Keith didn’t know what to do for a moment. He stood there, feeling awkward. Out of place. Of all the people on the team, Keith was pretty sure he was the least equipped to deal with social situations like this.

On the other hand, Lance had seemed so… defeated. So resigned. So sad. Keith hated it. He wanted to do nothing more than burst into Lance’s room and demand he be happy because dammit if anyone deserved it, Lance did!

Lance was their happiness. Their ray of sunshine. He was their shelter against all the threats this war faced. He was the roof over their heads. Shielding them from the rain and snow. Protecting them when the elements became too much to bare head on.

He mattered so much to Keith. So fucking much.

So Keith took a deep breath, bracing himself, and strode into the Blue Paladin’s bedroom.

What he saw was… shocking to say the least.

Lance was laid on his bed, wrapping his comforter around him burrito style as he stared blankly at the room. Tears slipped down his face, and he breathed slowly, but other than that he did not move.

Keith paused. The atmosphere in Lance’s room was heavy. Extremely heavy. And quiet. Way, way too quiet for the boy Keith hand grown to love.

No- not love.

…

Actually, yes. Love.

Fuck! Not now brain! Keith scolded himself, pushing past his momentary gay panic to the situation at hand. Even though he had no idea what to do.

“Lance?” He asked. The boy twitched, and he turned his bloodshot, teary eyes to Keith. But he didn’t say anything. He didn’t get up. He didn’t move. Not the way Lance would move.

Keith began walking towards the bed, and Lance made no effort to stop him. “What’s… what’s going on?”

The Blue Paladin didn’t respond. He just looked away, turning his face ever so slightly away. Keith could see shame in his eyes, and he felt himself moving on autopilot.

“Hey, it’s okay. I’m here. You… can talk to me if you want,” Keith soothed, stepping toward and laying a hand on Lance’s shoulder. The boy looked back up at him with sad, pleading blue eyes. Keith could see it, the struggle twisted across his face as he tried to put some semblance of energy into speaking. But alas the boy seemed to not be able to find the strength, and Keith felt his heart breaking even more.

Keith knew that Lance was the type of person who found great comfort in physical contact. He was a hugger. The type of person to wrap his arms around somebody or lean against them as they sat next to each other. He was the type of person to show his affection by brushing hands as you passed them in the hallway, or placing a hand on your shoulder when someone seemed distressed.

So, that’s probably why Keith found himself crawling beneath Lance in his blanket burrito. He manoeuvred the comforter so that it still stayed tight around Lance, but allowed room for himself as well. Keith propped his body up against a pillow, and pulled Lance close against his chest.

The Blue Paladin turned his head into the warmth of Keith’s chest, his hands letting go of the blanket in favour of clutching the Red Paladin’s shirt. Keith found that he did not mind. It felt a little uncomfortable at first, but as Lance cried into his chest, the overwhelming need to comfort him overtook any other sensation Keith was feeling. The Half-Galra ran his hands through the team sharpshooter’s brunette hair in slow, soothing motions.

Lance seemed to relax as well. His whole body shuddered in, what Keith hoped, was relief as strong arms held him tight and close. Sheltering him from whatever had been weighing on his mind.

They stayed like that, silently drinking each other in, for a couple of minutes before Kieth heard Lance murmur softly into Keith’s shirt.

“Talk.” He pleaded. Gripping Keith tighter. As if he were afraid that the words would make Keith pull away.

Even though that was not Keith’s intentions, at all, he was still a little confused. “Talk? About?” He asked, keeping his voice quiet and soft.

“Anything.” Lance breathed. After a few moments he added in a much more desperate tone, “please?”

“Okay… why… don’t I tell you about the book I’m reading?” He asked. It was a question, he wasn’t sure if Lance would be interested in a topic like that.

But, Lance nodded slightly, not even making a jab at Keith for being a nerd. Keith took it as a yes. Whatever was bothering Lance, it must be pretty bad if he wasn’t even trying to make fun of Keith.

So Keith started talking.

“That’s what I was doing when you came by, you know. I kinda lose track of stuff when I’m reading sometimes.” He explained, before pushing on. “Anyways, it’s about this kid. He’s always been different from other kids. He’s got ADHD and dyslexia, and weird things always seem to happen that get him kicked out of schools. He’s got this cool mom and this deadbeat dad. But then his mom dies and he’s taken to this camp where he finds out his teacher is a centaur, the Greek gods are real and he is a demigod…”

Keith was sure he was being boring. Uninteresting. He was sure Lance didn’t care and he’d want Keith to talk about something else.

But, when Keith looked down he saw Lance peeking out from where his head was buried, just a little bit, to look up at Keith. He had relaxed even more now, and Keith took it as a good sign.

So he kept talking. Even when he was sure Lance was bored out of mind he kept talking. Because for whatever his rambling was worth, it seemed to help.

So he kept talking. Pushing away the silence with his words of grandeur, fantasy and adventure.

As he spoke, Lance’s presence seemed to become lighter. Happier. More like the Lance that Kieth had grown to love. The Lance, he realised, that he hadn’t seen much of in a long time.

That made Keith happy.

-

The more Keith spoke. The longer he laid there, running his long fingers through Lance’s hair, the farther away the quiet fled. Lance knew he had no idea how much he was helping, but the sharpshooter was grateful for him nonetheless.

When Keith’s narration of the novel he was reading came to an end, Lance was able to pull himself up, and drag himself off Keith’s lap. He unwrapped the comforter, and repositioned himself so that he was sitting beside Keith. His cheeks flushed a bit at the proximity, both now and previously. But he supposed he was kind of past the point of pulling away now.

He leaned against his companion’s shoulder as he spoke, “thank you, Keith. I…I needed that.”

Keith turned his head to him, and Lance felt sweat on his brow as the Red Paladin asked, “do you… wanna talk about it? You seemed… really upset.”

Lance wasn’t sure he wanted to. But… Keith was here. He’d seen Lance wrapped deep in the claws of the quiet… and he hadn’t run away. It hadn’t plagued him too. In fact, he’d made it go away.

So… maybe…

“You don’t have to. But you can… if you want.” Keith added as Lance pondered. The Red Paladin took Lance’s hand in his own. Lance wasn’t sure when Keith became so keen on physical contact, but he liked it. “I promise I’ll listen.”

Lance smiled, and apparently that was all the reassurance he needed.

He took a deep breath, resting his head on Keith’s shoulder. He wasn’t sure why, but it felt right. Being this close to Keith just felt… safe. Homey. Like he belonged there. “I… I don’t know how to explain it. I just… sometimes it’s just quiet. Too quiet. And heavy.”

He didn’t think he was making sense. But Keith listened regardless.

“And it’s like… it’s hard to do things. Like talk. Or move. Or just… function. And lately it’s been… I don’t know, it’s just been so much. And I just—“ his voice broke as tears filled his vision, but he carried on, “I keep trying to find people. Because hanging out with people usually makes it go away. But I haven’t been— it hasn’t— and then today I tried and…”

He whisked his tears away as Keith moved his arm around Lance and pulled him closer.

The Blue Paladin took a deep breath before continuing. “Today nobody wanted me around. And I just- I really needed— I didn’t want to be alone again. I didn’t want it to be quiet. I just needed someone but… but everyone kept telling me to go away and that made it so much worse.”

Lance was aware that he was shaking now. Keit’s grip tightened.

“And I just couldn’t… do it anymore. I was just so tired of pretending that I was okay. Of fighting to keep going despite how much I just wanted to stop. And I just couldn’t— I just wanted to give up and I couldn’t—“

He sobbed, and turned his head so that his face was buried in the soft, pale skin of Keith’s neck.

The hand returned in his hair, and Keith cooed at him softly.

“Hey, it’s okay. I’m here now. I’m not goin’ anywhere.”

Lance sobbed harder, and Keith let him.

He didn’t cry long. Most of his tears had already been spent, and also he just… didn’t need to. Having Keith here, it helped. He didn’t feel so alone in his mind. The world didn’t feel as chokingly silent.

It made the tears dry faster than they ever had before.

“Thank you Keith. For listening and… and for being here. I really didn’t… didn’t want to be alone anymore.”

“Of course. I’ll always be here for you, Lance. We all will. But…” he paused, unsure if this was the right thing to say. He shook off the hesitation, he had to know, “why didn’t you just tell us what was going on in the first place? You never had to be alone. We could have helped you.”

Lance shrugged, keeping his body situated comfortably against the Red Paladin. “I… I thought I could deal with my own problems. I didn’t want you guys to worry. I didn’t want to be a… a burden.”

Keith shook his head, “Lance, if you’re hurting, I want to be able to help. And I know the rest of the team feels the same. You can’t, — fuck— you can’t let yourself suffer all alone. Knowing that you’ve been struggling and I didn’t even know. I— it— it fucking hurts man.”

Lance sighed, but he didn’t reply. He wasn’t sure there was anything that needed to be said.

Keith sighed as well, letting his head lean against Lance’s.

“Just… promise me you’ll tell me when you’re feeling all… gloomy. No matter what I’m doing, I’ll help. And— and when you’re ready, I think you should tell the rest of the team. If I’m not here I want to know you’re gonna be okay.”

“I’d be okay.”

“No, Lance, I mean really okay! Not ‘I’m pushing through it and ignoring it so I’m fine’ okay!”

Lance wasn’t sure what to say to that.

“Promise me?” Keith pleaded, squeezing Lance’s hand tighter.

Wow, Keith begging was new. Lance didn’t think he could say no to it. So, feeling like he didn’t have much of a choice, he surrendered.

“Okay. I promise.”

“Thank you,” Keith breathed, his grip tightening again.

Lance, for the first time in a while, completely forgot what it was like for the world to be quiet. Lance relished the feeling. This feeling of complete and utter contempt. He knew it wouldn’t stay forever. He knew the quiet would return and he’d return to the daily battle of just existing in his own brain.

But the task didn’t feel as daunting anymore. Because Lance wasn’t fighting alone anymore. Laying in his bed, wrapped up in Keith’s warm embrace…

It was the farthest from the quiet than Lance had ever been.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~

(Note: Did I shamelessly plug Percy Jackson into this fic? Yes. Do I also feel like it’s in character for Keith to relate to a book about kids not knowing who they are and feeling different their whole life only to find out they are NOT completely human? Also yes!)

[peterpijls1965]

DJ Nobu Boiler Room BUDx Seoul DJ Set.

Zijn langste set duurde 12 uur, in Berlijn. DJ Nobu is de technorevelatie van Japan. Hier te zien in Seoul. Beneden een link naar interview met Nobu in The Japan Times.

https://www.japantimes.co.jp/culture/2023/04/29/music/dj-nobu-techno/

[thefinestkilljoy]

Who here likes langst?

I mean who here obsessively searches any tag that could possibly lead to a fic where Lance is just in pain?

Just me?

Well I wrote some...

You should check it out...

[seldomscilence16]

Whumptober day 26:

"Sometimes I get so tired, I don't even know myself."

Seeing double | working to exhaustion | "You look awful."

Fandom: Voltron (Carmen Sandiego au)

Prompts used: all

It's so short I'm sorry. Explanation at the end. But my brain wants to do long fics despite never letting me finish them. This was a shower thought AU, literally wrote the characters on my mirror as I panned them out. This one and day 28 are both probably gonna get some lore someday cause they excite me.

…

C thinks about the Isle a lot. It had been all he'd known, for the first 10 years of his life. Then he'd been failed. And he'd snuck out. And he learned what VILE really was. He'd met Player 1 and 2. He'd worked his way through another year of schooling, until he was able to escape, and with the Players' help, he found his new calling.

But the Isle had been his home. His family. And now… now he looked over his shoulder at every turn. Now he wondered if allowing Keith and Hunk to join him was a good idea. Now he had to keep four people safe, the world from being taken over, to steal things before they could be stolen, to keep his head on his shoulders and his mind his own andandand-

"You look awful." Keith's voice breaks him from his thoughts.

"Your eloquent thoughts always make my heart sing Mullet." He returns in deadpan.

"I think he meant," Hunk cuts in, elbowing the pale boy, "that you look like you could use some rest."

Keith looks both chagrined and annoyed, a true talent really, but nods anyway.

"Hey Blue, we got something from the VILE drive, you up for it?"

"Go ahead Player 1." C turns towards the nearest screen, the two siblings' faces pop on either side as the middle displays what they need.

"Alright so,"

Carmen Sandiego completes another successful mission, Carmen Sandiego outruns the Inspectors, Carmen Sandiego foils VILE's plans once again, Carmen Sandiego-

C runs along the rooftops, fleeing another mission- successful, but when the Inspectors were involved, there were flashing lights and headaches ugh, he didn't need that right now- his foot falters on his next landing. He could have sworn the building had been closer, but it was fine- oh… now there were two Keiths… that, that can't be good. His health cant take two Keiths.

"Uh you good Blue?" Oh gods they speak in unison. "You don't seem your usual self…"

"What am I usually like? I have so much to do, I can't… stop now." C holds a hand to his head as the two Keith's seem to spin, a gentle hand on his elbow steadies him, but he can't stop the flinch that comes with the action, "Ya know…Sometimes… I get so tired, I don't even know myself. I… don't know if I even… have a thing."

"Hey! Shit, you're not, UGH!" Keith has taken most of C's weight, face flushed as frustration burns in his eyes, he looks around the roof briefly, pulls them to the shadows before continuing. "Look. I'm so not the one who should be having this conversation right now, and you're probably not going to remember anyway, but,

"You've given four people who had nothing, something. You took your upbringing, and you're using it to save people. But you're holding the world on your shoulders, just… I don't know, rely on us or something…" he trails off in mumbles towards the end, burning from his roots to his toes.

C looks up at him with awe, it had taken them awhile to get along, past the weird competition they had going on. The Players and Hunk had been exasperated to say the least, but if they could see them now, he's sure they'd be just as surprised as him.

"How long have you been going Blue?"

"Since that night… when they almost killed the archeologist… they raised me, they're gonna outsmart me eventually… I have to be prepared-"

"You literally couldn't tell me how many fingers I have if I asked right now."

"I'd just need to know which one is askin'!"

"Not helping your point here. If you work yourself into exhaustion-" Keith pauses, seemingly remembering something, "You'll have no work left to give. Patience… yields focus… just let us help you."

"...wanna know my favorite… weapon…?" C's eyes are heavy, too long without motion and his body has decided it likes this new position and warmth.

"Sure."

"The lance…"

"Very stabby. 10/10. And it can double as a name."

"....'ts pretty cool. 'Etter than 'black sheep'." C's face twists up in disgust at the name he'd gone by for so long.

"Black sheep who? You're Lance Carmen Sandiego."

C- no, Lance's- eyes widened, staring at the pale face above him framed by dark locks with even darker eyes locked on his own- three of them, but they weren't spinning anymore so he'll take it.

"I like that…" His eyes slip closed, snuggles further into his blue trench coat and towards the warmth emitted from the race car driver.

VILE was always around the corner. But with Red, Yellow, Green and Grey lights shading his Blue, he could get some sleep.

[ I had like a whole plan, but it would have been so long. So here's a fragment of a maybe bigger fic someday if anyones interested. And yes I know, Keith would be a perfect Carmen! But Lance is my baby. Characters below for your pleasure.

Zack/Ivy: Keith and Hunk

Players: Pidge and Matt

Shadowsan: Kolivan

Inspector/Julia: shiro and adam

Director: Allura and Coran ]]]